An engine revved outside, so I scurried out, finding Josh approaching on one of the ATVs.
“The deputy is taking Phyllis in to book her.” He was calm and serious, delivering the information carefully like he didn’t want to add to the weight of fear that was already crushing me.
It made my heart clench. His support was keeping me standing, and the way he filled me in rather than telling me what I should do only gave me more strength.
“Nolan’s going to check the orchard, garden, and sheds. I told him no loud noises, no sirens, and that if he finds him, to call us immediately so we can intervene.”
A shaky breath escaped me. “Thank you.”
“Jasper is on his way too. No sirens. And I figured we’d take this. We can cover more ground with it.”
I nodded, still searching and scanning. It was getting cold enough to see my breath, though with the way the panic burned inside me, I was covered in sweat.
“Where would he want to go?” Josh asked gently.
“Somewhere familiar,” I said. “Somewhere he has positive associations with.”
“Let’s go up the main road. We’ll check the buildings one at a time.”
I held on tight to Josh as he drove up the road, both of us calling Julian’s name. My mind reeled the whole time. I should have seen this coming. I promised him safety. The thought of him cold and alone…
My stomach turned over.
For a moment, I thought I would vomit up the banana bread we’d made this morning. But I forced myself to sit up straighter and swallowed back the urge. I needed to stop obsessing about what I hadn’t done and focus on what I could do now.
As we drove past the old sugar shack, a flash of bright green among all the muted browns and mossy hues caught my attention.
“Stop.” I hopped off the ATV and ran to the item.
“It’s his,” I said, holding up a single Minecraft sock. The sight knocked the air out of my lungs. Bare feet. Cold ground. I imagined him wincing with every step and almost collapsed.
I clutched the sock, my despair growing. It had been at least an hour. Who knew where he could be. And I’d failed him.
“Celine.” Josh ran his hands up and down my arms. “You can do this.” The statement wasn’t encouragement; he’d worded it like a fact.
Eyes closed, I looked at the farm through Julian’s eyes. I borrowed his joy, his logic and his patterns. Where would I go when the world felt too loud?
I visualized the tractors in the barn, the tasty apples on the trees, running wild with Wayne. This place had become his home. I could see him asking Josh questions, playing with the tools, and his broad smile at the pumpkin race.
“The pumpkin race,” I said. “The building where you and the kids hollowed out the pumpkin.” My mind spun. “He had so much fun. And he still talks about it.”
“The equipment barn.” He nodded. “Let’s go.”
We raced down the road toward the outskirts of the farm,closer to route eleven. The building was not a folksy barn, but more of a giant metal shed. Josh stored machinery and other big equipment that didn’t get used a lot in here.
There was a hill leading to the large door for easy access, so he’d driven the forklift right up to it and we’d spent days working on the boat, listening to music, and eating snacks. Julian had loved every minute.
Josh stopped outside the barn, and I scrambled to the ground, then took off toward the nearest door.
Inside, the barn was dark, but I closed my eyes and prayed he was here. My heart lodged in my throat. If he wasn’t, I didn’t have a clue where to look next.
“Julian” I called, my voice bouncing off the walls. “It’s Mom. Are you in here?”
I dug my phone out of my pocket and turned on the flashlight, then swung it from one side of the building to the other, searching. Josh came up behind me, flipping on the lights.
Was he here?
I ducked behind every trailer, every piece of equipment, and all the extra hay bales shrink wrapped in plastic to save for winter.