“Motherfucker has an STI,” Vee grumbled and Lizzy smacked her on the arm.
“Right, so you got up this morning and had to clean up his sticky spunk. That must have been annoying,” Becks continued. “There is nothing worse than the stuff dripping out of you for hours.”
“Perks of being gay.” Vee winked and Lizzy growled at her.
“Not the time for jokes, Victoria.”
“Bitch. I’ve not been Victoria since I was ten. I will behave. Sorry, Helen, you were cleaning up his cum.”
My eyebrows furrowed as I stared between my friends. “No. I didn’t.”
“You didn’t what?” Lizzy checked.
“I haven’t showered. Gross, I know as I did have sex last night, but I wasn’t dripping cum.”
“This is the grossest conversation I’ve ever had on a Sunday,” Vee moaned.
“Maybe he didn’t come much,” I muttered, so confused.
Lizzy tilted her head. “Sweetie, men come a lot usually. It was the first time you’d had sex without a condom, the first time you’d gone down on him, and according to him, the first time anyone had gone down on him… I mean, did he pull out, come on the sheets, in his hand.”
I frowned. “I was on top, so it would have been impossible… wouldn’t it?” I was starting to doubt everything.
We all sat in silence as if we were waiting for someone to explain what was going on.
“What if he didn’t come at all? What if he was faking it?” Lizzy asked eventually, her face twisting in anger that was obviously directed at Jax for whatever games he’d been playing.
“Can men even do that?” Vee exclaimed.
“Helen, he didn’t like you touching him. He wore a condom all the other times, so you wouldn’t know. He’s been the perfect gentleman… maybe he’s been stringing you along all this time.”
Her words were the final straw, decimating what was left of my battered heart.
“Why would he do that? That’s so stupid, Lizzy,” Becks argued.
I reached for more tissues. “No, what’s stupid is an overweight, newly divorced woman thinking a hot, thirty-one-year-old firefighter would really be interested in her.” The words burned my throat and tears blurred my vision. “Conner was right. He saw a desperate woman, and he played me.”
“Why?” Vee asked, looking at me with a pity-filled expression.
“I don’t know, but I fell for it and he made me look like a fool.” I sucked in a long, deep breath. “I think it was all a big lie from the start.”
“I don’t believe that. He kissed you in front of everyone. He let Conner punch him in the face. The way he looked at you in the diner.” Vee was never the voice of reason, so her arguing in defence of Jax was a surprise.
“All part of the plan?” Lizzy questioned.
Another flood of tears started to flow as all the confidence I’d built over the last few months dissipated and I hated Jax for that more than for anything else.
Jax
A week. It had been a week since I’d walked out of Helen’s. A week since I’d laid eyes on her. A week since I’d heard my name on her lips or seen that smile. The longest week of my life—and I’d had some pretty long weeks before; the worst week of my life, the loneliest.
I knew I had to walk away as soon as Helen told me she needed every part of me. I tried not to laugh at the irony of her statement. After she left for Jasper’s party, I packed up my stuff and booked myself back into the hotel I hated.
I pushed my limits that night. Standing in front of her naked, letting her suck my cock, coming without wearing a condom. I think I wanted her to notice, to be horrified and throw me out because that would make it easier to walk away…wouldn’t it?
But instead, I had the most amazing sex of my life. I’d never felt closer to another person, and as soon as it was finished, I craved more. Telling her I loved her was probably my lowest point; not because I didn’t mean it—I meant every word—but because she said it back. She loved me, but the voice in my head reminded me that I’d never be enough for her.
I pressed my hand to my broken heart and took another swig from the bottle of whisky I was drinking.