I fixed my eyes on his face, fighting the urge to look down and take in his half-dressed body again.
“Look, I get this wasn’t your idea, so if you’re not down with it, I’ll leave. You don’t have to feel bad. This is your home and I don’t want you tiptoeing around me like you’re walking on eggshells.”
“I said I was fine with it.” I didn’t sound very believable.
“Yet, you can barely look at me and now you’re running to the beach to hide from me.”
“That’s not true. I like the beach and I really do go every day. It’s why I picked this place. If the weather’s good, then I like to swim while I’m there.”
His brows knitted together. “Okay, well, I wasn’t expecting that. But that doesn’t explain why you hid in your room when your kids left or you can’t even look at me.”
I lowered my eyes slowly, giving myself permission to look at every tattooed, toned inch of him again. “Sorry,” I muttered.
“What are you apologising for? Having feelings? You shouldn’t ever apologise for that.”
I let out a sigh. “The last twenty-four hours have been a lot. My non-date, finding you on the beach, you staying over, how much I drank, what I said to you, what we talked about, then finding you dressed like”—I skimmed my hand up and down in front of him—“that. I’m just feeling, well, a lot.”I hated how honest I was with him… how easily my truth spilled from my treacherous lips.
“You need some stress relief.” I glanced up at him, trying not to let my eyes graze over the outline of his bare, chiselled torso, and as our eyes met, he wiggled his eyebrows, breaking the tension between us. “Seriously, though. It would help.”
“Can we stop talking about my orgasms, or lack of them?” I muttered.
“How about we go for a walk together? That might help instead of the orgasms.”
“Fine, but we’re dipping our toes in the sea while we’re there.”
Jax
She made us tea-to-go while I quickly threw on a t-shirt and then we wandered down to the beach. The conversation wasn’t exactly flowing, but she seemed less stand-offish than she had in the kitchen when she couldn’t even look at me.
Guilt consumed me and I was seriously toying with going back to the hotel, but the thought of another sleepless night kept my things in Helen’s spare room.
“I’m back at work tomorrow. I’m working 8-8 for the next four days. Two days, then two night shifts.”
We walked from the street down the short path onto the beach. “Are you telling me that for a reason?”
I shrugged, taking a sip of my hot tea. “It gives you a few days to think. Decide if this is really what you want without your boys forcing you into it. You just seem so… weirded out by it all.”
Helen turned to face me, the breeze whipping her hair around her face, and I had to force myself not to reach out and tuck it behind her ears so I could see the reaction in her eyes better.
“We need to stop this. Stay. I want you to. I have a room, you need somewhere. I want you to feel like it’s your home until youfind a house… and there is no rush to leave.” She held out her mug. “Deal?”
I clinked mine against it. “Deal. If you’re sure.”
“I am. Now, come on. I need to put my feet in the sea.”
We continued down to the water’s edge, where the waves were rolling in with more force than I’d expected because it looked calm from the top of the hill.
Helen didn’t pause, toeing off her sliders and burying her mug in the sand, running the short distance to the sea. She tugged up her joggers to just below her knees before stepping into the water, squealing before she held her arms out to the sides and let her head fall back.
Dropping to the sand, I sat and watched her as she leapt over the waves and spun around, looking more relaxed. When she unzipped her hoodie, I had to cover my mouth to stop my reaction from spilling onto the breeze.
She wore a white t-shirt that clung to her just enough that I could see her hard nipples, which I guessed were reacting to the temperature of the water and the soft curve of her hips and stomach. I loved how they moved when she moved, making my cock harden.
As I chastised myself for my fucked up reaction to Jasper’s mum's hot, voluptuous body, a familiar memory flooded my mind, making me remember a voice I’d not heard in years.
“God is punishing you. I’ve seen what you like… the fat women filth you watch. I know what you do behind closed doors. That’s why this happened. You deserve everything you get, but I will not stay here for everyone to learn my son is a sinner.”
I put my cup next to Helen’s before my fists curled in anger. I was just a kid and my dad blamed my situation on me and left me to pretty much deal with it on my own. It almost broke me;in many ways, it changed me forever, but I survived. Despite him and his fucking madness, I survived.