He melts whenever he sets eyes on my mother, except for these last few days. He’s distant, his eyes are cold, and he’s been spending a lot of time puttering in the garage while Mom seems to be sleeping a lot, or at least spending time alone in theirbedroom more than usual. And last night when I came down for a drink, I found Dad sleeping on the couch and all Mom’s houseplants were bone dry. I stepped outside and so were the flowerbeds. Mom doesn’t ignore her garden. Ever.
At least Grey is nearby. I sent him a text message this morning before I left asking him to check on Dad, telling him that things aren’t right, and he replied immediately saying it was already on his to-do list.
Grey has a new energy about him that I love. He seems to be coping okay with what he had to do with his biological mother, and I hope he’s as good as he seems.
My brother has always been a force. Strong, intuitive, ridiculously smart, and very caring. But with what he's recently been through, the power he’s come into… he’s even stronger, almost like he’s Super Greyson.
Grey is now for all intents and purposes the leader of the Young coven and he’s demonstrated some scary-strong ability to tap into coven powers.
And he’s mated and expecting twins. I’m super-happy for my big brother, though I can’t help but feel a little cheated in the DNA department. He gets to be an extra-alpha, a council member, and a warlock coven leader who is now learning to wield magic. And here’s little ole me… also half-shifter but not one who can even shift. Grey gets half-shifter DNA and half-witch. And his half-shifter DNA is enough to classify him as a super-alpha.
While I try hard not to disparage my human genes because that’s who Mom is, I can’t help the occasional niggling wish that I was something special. That I was fated for something amazing. Maybe then I could also shift. I’ve always said it feels like there’s something missing. And I think it’s where my wolf would be if I’d been granted one.
My teen years crawled by slowly while I watched everyone in my peer group get to experience their first shift. I held onto hope for a while that I was just a late bloomer. But alas, if it was going to happen it would’ve happened long before now. I don’t know of any half-blooded shifters who had their first shift at age twenty-five or later. I’ve dug into it, hoping, and nope.
I’m not even affected by the moon the way everyone else is. The only real sign of my shifter heritage, beyond looking a little like Dad and Grey is my strong sense of smell, which seems to be about as strong as an alpha’s.
After making use of the facilities, I splash my flushed cheeks with cool water in the tight space.
The hand soap smells like green apple candy.
Flashes of that dream assault me and do it hard, filling my veins with hot lava while drenching my underwear. These sensations are intense. But too quickly, they turn into something prickly and unpleasant because now I’m envisioning the way he looked at me in the town hall. And the words that flew from his angry mouth.
“This bullshit has to stop.”
I wanted to curl up and cry.
“Don’t make me spell it out, kiddo.”
All those pitying eyes on me.Ugh…
And I’m sure Jase will give me more attitude for showing up in Italy.
But I’m also kind of looking forward to that. Because as much as I’ve been telling myself I’m over my unrequited love, because I want that to be true, clearly I still care enough to drop everything and spend almost half a month’s salary on the airfare to help him protect himself. I don’t think I could live with myself if I didn’tdo whatever I could do to help. It’s like a final homage to the feelings I have for him. Had! The feelings Ihadfor him.
And I’m also pretty sure with the way he’s been with me lately that whatever attitude he gives me will make me think,yep… here’s the nail in the Bailey Loves Jase coffin. Finally.
No, Jason Creed hasn’t ever treated me like a possible romantic interest, but until the last few months he hadn’t treated me so indifferently. In fact, I have memories that’ll stay with me always of times in my life when the way Jase treated me made me sure I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.
Yes, I was infatuated with him from a very young age, but he was always just so incredible. He always treated everyone so well. No matter how old or young you were, it was clear that Jase got joy out of caretaking. It was amplified even further once it was announced he was part of the council. He takes his job of council alpha seriously, cares about not just the safety of the pack but also the wellbeing and happiness, too. He’s always doing things for others. Thoughtful, kind things.
My emotions where he’s concerned have always been about much more than his looks. More than his muscles. Like when he lifted me from the playground with my bleeding knees and read his awful sister the riot act for tripping me. Or when he danced with me at a teen dance after tying his flannel shirt around my waist for me after Sherry’s beet juice prank made it look like I’d gotten my period.
She ruined a beautiful cream-colored dress my mom had sewn for me, a dress I’d watched her make. Sherry was jealous that I had a bra when her chest was still pancake-flat. She has always gone out of her way to be nasty to any of the shy, quiet, or bookish girls, but has made spectacular efforts to tease and belittle me, and not just because I was crushing on her brother.She’s always harassed me for being a half-breed who can’t shift, suggesting maybe I’m not a wolf shifter, instead a cow-shifter – a dig about my bra size.
Whenever Jase stood up for me, it made her even nastier, going out of her way to drive the point home that Jase sees me as nothing more than a pest. And although I felt like I was floating in the best dream ever while he danced with me at the dance, five minutes later he was dancing with another girl. An eighteen-year-old girl he drove home. So, the bubble got popped. And it got popped in a devastating way because gossip was that she gave Jase her virginity that night.
And that was a cautionary tale to me that made me sure I wanted to save mine for when it counted.
There was also that time when I was eighteen, walking home from that bush party and Sherry and two of her friends were shifted to wolves. They cornered me and snapped their jaws at me, making me fall, looming over me like they were going to eat me.
Jase happened to show up just in time with Linc and Mase. They shifted and roared at those girls, scaring them off with their much larger wolf forms. I was crying, and my knees and palms were skinned and bloody after having fallen on the gravel.
Jase reminded me of the last time he carried me with skinned knees and this time he gave me a piggyback all the way home, telling silly jokes to cheer me up.
Jase didn’t just treat me well. He treats everyone that way. He does nice things for people. He looks after everyone. He cares.
The Jason Creed I’ve been around lately has been very different, going out of his way to make the message clear – he doesn’t want my attention.