“Have you lost your damn mind?” I asked before hecould finish the absurd line of thought. “Eric and me working together on anything? Jesus, Drew. I don’t know what he’s up to, but I got some information from Helen. I figured you’d want to know about that, and when she made the offer just now, I told her I would relay the information, but that was it. I’m not up to anything. I just know you can’t keep her locked up forever.” I placed my hand on his heart and inhaled a long breath. “I feel bad for her, too. Jon Taylor was such a bastard. He broke her bones and almost killed her, and… Drew she thought that’s who you were, too. She saw you as controlling, full of rage, violent. I just saw how broken she was and figured that this could be her way out.”
Drew placed his hand over mine and pressed it to his chest. “Ayda, I shot her in the fucking arm,” he whispered, face serious and eyes calm. “She has every right to think I’m controlling, full of rage, and violent. That’sexactlywhat I was and who I was that day. It’s who she’s seen me be a few times at the safe house. And I have no right to hate Jon even more for what he did to his wife and kids than for what he did to me, but I do. I really do.” His jaw clenched again, his head shaking slowly as he looked at me. “The double standards of the president of The Hounds of fucking Babylon, hey?” He sighed, moving his hand away from mine, reaching up to pinch my chin between his thumb and finger. “I’ll talk with Helen. I’ll see what she has to offer. But I’m going to need you there. I’m going to need you to be the reason while I’ll probably be the roar.”
I leaned toward him, my forehead touching his. “Where else would I be?”
He smiled his smile, pushing forward to kiss me. The kiss wasn’t passionate, but more reassuring. When he pulledaway, and we opened our eyes, he was nodding slowly, like he’d made some resolution in his thoughts while we’d been connected. Like he was realizing a truth or something was clicking into place for him.
Raising a hand, Drew cupped my cheek, dusting his thumb along my skin with a tenderness reserved only for me.
“I know you don’t doubt me,” he began in a heated whisper. “I know that when I push, you push back harder. I know you love me enough to be in denial most of the time about what a cruel bastard I can be. I know I’ve sheltered you from who I’ve been in the past and who I’ve been even while with you. I know all these things and more. I know you’d still love me even if I told you I murdered fucking kittens because that’s just who you are. Loyal. Committed…Mine. I know that you’re mine no matter what I do, but I need to say this anyway. I need you to know… I’m capable of many, many coldhearted things, Ayda—and I’ll be honest, I don’t give a fuck what happens to Helen Taylor when I compare her to my family, my brothers, and you—but one thing I’m not capable of is hurting you that way. I could never lay a hand on your skin in temper and be able to look myself in the mirror the next day. I can assure you of that. And if I ever did… I wantyouto be the first person to put a bullet in me and take me away from this life. Because if there ever comes a day when I lose myself enough to hurt you that way, then I’m too far gone to ever bring back.”
I didn’t know what to say to that. I knew he would never hurt me. I’d told Helen the very same thing with conviction, but the sincerity and love in which he said this now left me with only one choice… so I leaned in and kissed him, showing him that I would follow him into the depths of Hell if he needed me to.
Just him, me, and the fire.
Chapter Twenty
DREW
Ayda made it clear she wanted to get back to Helen quickly. There was something about her since she’d been to the safe house. A quiet panic, maybe? Or perhaps she was just a woman wanting to rescue her fellow woman. Whatever it was, I respected her enough to let her lead the way on this one. There was something about Helen that made me… nervous. Not enough to stick a bullet in her head, but she was connected to Jon Taylor, and I wasn’t so naive as to imagine she hadn’t picked up a few of his tricks along the way.
Tate had caught Ayda’s attention as we were walking through the bar. The shot glass in his hand as he leaned over the bar had stopped her in her tracks, leaving me to walk outside while she gave the kid a lecture he definitely deserved. His attitude hadn’t gone unnoticed around here lately, but after what he’d been through that night at Rusty’s, none of us were hypocritical enough to hand him his ass on a platter. We left that to Ayda. After all, Tate was only sixteen. Too young to have seen what he’d seen. Too old for us to convince him that it had never happened at all.
The door to The Hut hit the frame just as I heard Ayda’s raised voice carry itself throughout the bar. A small smiletugged at my lips as I went to stand on the top step of the porch and look out over the yard. My home.
Our repo truck was occupied by Slater. I had no idea what he was doing in the front seat, but he was leaned to one side, looking down toward the radio, probably seeking a tiny bit of solace around here. There weren’t many places you could go to escape.
When I looked over at the pawnshop, I saw the door propped open and assumed one of the guys was in there. Maybe Jedd. Probably Owen—the slimeball. Since Harry had gone, he’d been lingering around more, taking more interest in the business side of things and the books. A figure to my right caught my attention, and I glanced that way, slipping my hands into the depths of my jean pockets and raising my chin only to see Rubin cycling towards me with a goofy smile on his face. I found myself smiling right back
The kid had earned our respect around here. I liked him. He was a happier, more enthusiastic, natural version of Tate. Don’t get me wrong; I loved Tate like a brother. He was my brother. Soon, that would be official by law. But Tate was all grunts, muscle, frustration, and he was becoming more and more controlled by his dick rather than his brain. Rubin was an innocent version of that. He seemed to find happiness in the simple pleasures.
Dropping his bike to the side, he hopped off it and marched closer to me with a swagger he hadn’t carried before he’d made that all-important shot that night.
“Hey, Drew,” he said, slightly out of breath.
“Kid.” I nodded.
“You out here surveying all that you own?” he asked, standing next to me and glancing down at the stained presidentbadge on my cut. It was something he always did. Like he couldn’t quite believe he’d got an in to The Hounds of Babylon.
“Something like that.” I smirked.
Rubin nodded too, copying my stance and glancing up at me from the corners of his eyes. It shouldn’t have, but it did my ego good to have someone like him look up to someone as screwed up as me. It meant not everyone could see the darkness that lurked within. Or if they could, they saw more about me that they liked than they hated. That had come to mean a hell of a lot to me since meeting Ayda and my whole life changing.
“I like it here,” the kid said. “Feels like… home.”
“You’re welcome any time.”
“I know.” His smile broke into a grin, his happiness at my approval clear to see. “Tate around?”
I turned and gestured to the place where the lecture was happening. “In there, suffering the wrath of Ayda when she’s pissed.”
“Ouch.” Rubin hissed.
“You should go and save him.”
“Right.” He laughed, his eyes drifting somewhere behind me, and then narrowing as his face fell a little. “What’s up with Deeks?”
“Huh?”