With Spider-man-like agility, Arden maneuvers us so that he’s sitting on the couch and I’m straddling him. We barely broke the kiss as we moved to this new position and I am happy to settle right in that sweet spot on his lap.
“Wait.” With a groan of frustration, Arden rips his face away from mine. “Hold on,” he says, pulling back in every way, shape and form. I immediately scramble off his lap, embarrassed of the position.
“Dani, just relax. Hold on.” He leans over his knees to try and grab me back but I’m out of reach. I can’t believe I just kissed him like that. I can’t believe he just kissed me like that.
“No, it’s fine. That was a mistake,” I say, already backing away toward my bedroom door. I need space. My head is spinning with soft groans and minty breath. “I was delirious from babysitting exhaustion. Not thinking straight. We said we weren’t going to do that again. I’m sorry, I—"
“Wait, what are you talking about?”
“We said it last year, after…what happened. We said it wouldn’t happen again.”
“I think things are a little different now, don’t you?” Arden stands but I can’t do this. I need to get out of here. I need to think.
“That was a mistake,” I repeat, my voice quieter this time.
“Dani–”
“Goodnight, Arden.” My door is closed immediately and I put my ear right up to it. I hear a very deep guttural sigh from the living room, some shuffling and then the sound of his bedroom door closing.
It’s only then that I let out the breath I was intentionally holding.
It’s not like Arden and I haven’t kissed before. But I can explain all those other kisses. The first one was out of pity because I was a sad little lost girl and he felt bad for me. The second one was because we were both drunk and stupid and lonely. The third, just last week, was for show. Because we’refakedating.
So what explanation can I give this kiss?Because you wanted to?
No. I can’t be going around kissing Arden just because I want to. That is not how this is supposed to be going.I didn’t sign up for real feelings.
Crawling into bed, I still can’t decide how I should handle the situation. Clearly, we shouldn’t be mudding the waters like this. Especially when we know we aren’t going to be together. I can’t be with Arden. And he’s never looked at me beyond being his baby sister’s friend.
Except literally just now, dummy.
I give myself a face palm with my pillow before shutting off my bedside lamp, plunging my room into darkness. All I can do right now is sleep. The overthinking and over-analyzing everything he does from here on out can start tomorrow.
Chapter Twenty-One
Arden
It’sgettingharderandharder topretendwith Danika. Pretend like I never wanted to stop that kiss. Pretend like every minute I spend with her doesn’t make me want to spend more and more. Pretend like having dinner and watching TV together every night doesn’t feel insanely domestic and wonderful.
The last thing I want to do is scare her off but I don’t know if I can keep up what we’re doing right now without falling deeper and deeper down the Danika rabbithole. I knew this whole living together thing would be difficult, but the fake dating has just made it one hundred times harder.
Does she actually have feelings for me? She’s the one who kissed me tonight. I didn’t start that. I did finish it, though. God, she looked devastated. I would beat the ass of any guy that made her look that way, didn’t think I would be the one to do it.
But there’s something about her I can’t let go of. Something I want to hold onto. Help flourish and grow. I just don’t know if she wants the same.
My phone rings right at six pm, like clockwork.
“Hello, Arden. How are you doing this week?”
“Hey, Melissa.” I settle onto my mattress to take this call. When I lay down while I’m on the phone with her, it always reminds me of those therapist couches and it makes me laugh so I opt to sit up against the headboard instead. I have music playing from my TV speakers to drown out any noise that might travel into the living room. I’m not even sure if Danika is in there but just to be safe. “I’m doing okay. How are you?”
“I’m doing well. Is there anything specific you want to bring up today?”
“Danika and I kissed.”
“Yes, you told me. At the party, right?”
I shake my head but she obviously can't see that. “We kissed again.”