“Not you,” I counter. “You think I don’t get it? You think I don’t understand that some men need killin’? But it doesn’t have to beyou. We don’t need you getting involved and causing us more trouble.”
His jaw clenches, and for a second, I think he’s going to listen, but then he only smiles. “Like you said, wolf…” He turns away. “There is nowe.”
It takes Dolly longer than I thought it would to corner me, and if I let myself think about it, I might consider it’s yet another sign that she’s starting to slow down.
I don’t though. As a rule.
“You want to tell me what happened?” she asks, slowly easing herself onto the barstool next to me, and I wonder how many nights we’ve sat just like this. How many we have left.
Suppose I really am not great at following rules. I should work on that.
“Cypress,” she says, prodding me with her voice as well as with her cane. “Start talking.”
I blow out a breath, purposefully avoiding my reflection in the bar mirror. “Not sure there is much to say.”
“Oh, Lord, help us. You do have it bad, don’t you?” She chuckles. “And what does your cowboy say about it?”
“Not much that’s encouraging.”
“That much I’ve noticed,” she replies, raising a hand forSammy behind the bar to bring us both a whiskey before she adds, “Also noticed that you call himwolf.”
The observation hangs between us, an open door to a room I never wanted to step into again, because it feels like I’ll be locked inside the moment I do.
“Thought it suited him,” I say, shrugging as I purposefully avoid looking at her, too. “Doesn’t have to mean anything.”
She laughs again. “I never realized it…”
“What’s that?”
“Always told me you didn’t like lyin’,” she says, giving Sammy a grateful nod when she sets one glass in front of her and one in front of me before moving back to the other end of the bar. “Now I see you just don’t know how.”
I smile, not having to fake it for the first time tonight, but I don’t manage to sustain it long enough to ask, “Do you believe in fate, Dolly?”
Her expression shifts as she considers the question carefully, the thoughtfulness something I’ve always appreciated about her. Even now, when I’m so anxious to hear her answer.
“Suppose I do,” she replies finally. “It’s a big wide world. Like the idea of there being something helping us find our way. And seeing as how God and I aren’t on speaking terms, I suppose I also like having something else to talk to.”
“Still no apology?” I ask, knowing damn well what the response will be because I never received one either.
“No,” she says, “but you can bet I’ll be demanding one when I get up there.”
I snort, shaking my head at her before I push the whiskey away and lean my folded arms on the bartop. “Maybe you can put in a good word for me while you’re—ow.” I straighten up when her sharp cane jabs my side, and I scoot my barstool away out of an abundance of caution. “What was that for?”
She narrows her eyes at me. “Since when do you need a goodword put in for you? Since when do you want one?”
“Since…” My thoughts drift, but to no avail. They always land back in the same place. “Perhaps I’m simply planning for all possibilities? Only practical.”
“You haven’t beenpracticala day in your life,” she says, sounding very serious now. “Besides, if there’s anyone on this earth that doesn’t need a good word put in for them it’s—”
“As much as I love your flattery, Dolly, you know that’s not true,” I reply before she can finish telling me what she thinks I want to hear. “You know…” I lower my voice, even though I’m fairly sure no one is paying us much attention, not with so many other, more entertaining distractions to be had. “You know the things I’ve done.”
“I do know.” There’s an edge of emotion in her voice now that makes me feel guilty. Not for those things I’ve done, but for upsetting her with them. “That’s why I’m saying it. You don’t need me to plead some case for you.”
“Come on,” I counter, trying for humor. “Who else is going to?”
Her voice is still quiet but also firm when she replies, “I know a few who would. Who would love a chance to pay you back.”
I shake my head, as adamant on this topic now as I was a decade ago. “There’s nothing to pay back. There’s no debt. Never has been, and you remind them of that for me when you see them next. They’re still all right?”