Anytime. I’ll make myself available. Justtell me when.
A flood of warm emotions swept through my heart. I should have known he’d be like that. I texted again.
Colton
Okay, I’ll let you know.
I unlocked my door and stepped inside. I would message Dad, since he’d probably be in a meeting right now, and see if he was still open to seeing me again while he was here. A part of me had doubts, but I had to stop doubting myself.
The following evening,Dad was available, which had given me a vital extra day to think through my approach with him and tutor a student before finals were in full swing. Dad was returning to my apartment as he felt it would offer more privacy. Maybe he was afraid I would somehow lose my mind again and try to beat him in front of his coworkers. Hell, I didn’t know.
A soft knock sounded at my door, followed by Tex’s muffled voice. “Hey, it’s Tex.”
I swung the door open, and Tex wrapped me in a fierce hug. “God damn, I missed you. Are you sure you’re doing okay?” Snatching my shoulders, he held me out, his gaze trailing over me.
“Yes, I’m okay so far.” I grabbed his wrist and hauled him into the main room. “I’m sure I’ll be nervous once he’s here, but I’ve been doing these breathing exercises whenever I feel anxious.” I’d been breathing a lot today.
“Okay, well, maybe you can show me how to do it, because I’m so nervous I feel like I might puke.” He freed a soft snort and rubbed his palms together.
“I’m so sorry I’m putting you through this.” Shit, maybe I should have handled this by myself. I chewed my lower lip.
“No, babe, I want to be here. Being a good boyfriend means standing with you.” He pressed a quick kiss on my mouth.
“You’re the best boyfriend, Tex. Even if you couldn’t join me.” I side-hugged him as rapping filtered from the door. My pulse shot through the roof. “Shit, that’s him.” I didn’t know what to expect, since we’d only texted and it was hard to read emotions in typed words.
“Do you want me to get it?” Tex stepped toward the door.
“No, I’ll get it.” Taking a deep breath, I shut my eyes for a moment and visualized a peaceful meadow with a gentle breeze swaying the grass. This was my calming place. As I opened my eyes, I edged the door open.
Dad stood on the landing, his brown eyes bloodshot with deep circles underneath, his dark hair plastered to his head as if he hadn’t showered. The shadow of stubble peppered his jawline. His jacket was open, exposing a company brand t-shirt, and on his lower half, he wore baggy jeans. “Hello, Colton.”
An ache tore through my chest. Had he gone to his conference looking like this? “Hi, Dad.” I opened the door further and stepped aside. “Come in.”
“Thank you.” He ambled into my main room, peeked at Tex, and then turned a chair around at my dinette and fell into it.
“Do you want something to drink? I have water, Gatorade, and orange juice.” I wouldn’t offer him a beer. We should be completely sober for this conversation. I wandered into my kitchen and pulled out a Gatorade for Tex and water for me from the refrigerator.
“Water, please.” His shoulders slumped, and he scrubbed his face.
After grabbing a second bottle of water, I handed the drinks out and sat next to Tex on my couch. “Why don’t you come closer, Dad? We won’t bite.” I freed a barely-there chuckle. Would he react to the joke?
“Yeah, sorry.” He slid his chair closer to us, now only a few feet away. “Listen, Colton, I’ve done a lot of thinking since I left here the other day.” He unscrewed the cap on his water and sipped it, his gaze fixing on the floor between us.
He couldn’t even look at me. Did this mean he was here to distance himself from me? My insides knotted with tension. “Yeah, I have too.” I was afraid to say any more. But my thoughts raced with countless words.
Tex grabbed my hand, resting on my thigh.
Dad glanced toward our hands, and his gaze fell to the floor again. “I’m not sure what shocked me more—you being gay or you telling me you tried to kill…” His voice cracked and he shook his head. “Took all those pills.”
“I’m not gay, Dad, and I didn’t try…” I inhaled deeply, my calming meadow coming into view inside my head. “Dad, I’m bisexual. I like women and men. I just fell in love with a man.”
“A football player headed to the NFL, no less.” Scoffing a snicker, Dad flashed his eyes at Tex. “You really know how to pick ‘em.”
Tex’s brows rose. “I sort of picked him first.” He gave me a warm grin and squeezed my hand.
I needed to correct the other part of his thinking. “And as far as the pills go, I wasn’t trying to kill myself. I just, uh, took too many. I was trying to cope with my grief, but in an unhealthy way.” My chest pinched with the blur of those days. “I did a lot of destructive things. I drank a lot and had sex with anyone I could find…unprotected.” I hung my head. Tex probably hadn’t heard the extent of it, but there it was.
“While you were working as a barista in that coffee shop? Is that why you delayed college?” His gaze crept to mine, and he winced. “You were always so smart and such an exceptional student. All your teachers loved you in high school.”