The tapping doesn’t stop. But his voice is completely calm.
How does he do that? Look so together on the outside while his other hand is having a whole separate panic attack in his pocket?
“Why are you being so—” I break off, half furious, half elated, completely overwhelmed. I shove him in the chest with the hand not in his death grip.
“What?” He chuckles, looking confused now.
“Stop it!”
“Stop what?” He finally releases my other hand, confusion turning to genuine concern.
“This!” I wave my hands between us furiously,gesturing at him, at us, at everything. “You. Being so… fuckingperfectall the time!”
He grins—that devastating Boy Scout grin that makes all the nerves in my body light up—and then he leans forward and kisses me.
The hand that was tapping stops. Just... stops.
Like kissing me is the only thing that shuts off whatever’s running in his head.
I throw my arms around him and kiss him back like I can somehow make him understand everything I can’t say out loud.
That I’m terrified.
That I’ve never wanted to stay anywhere more than I want to stay here.
That he’s the first person who’s ever made me feel like maybe,maybe, I could be worth choosing.
But I can’t stay in this kiss forever.
“Come on,” I hiss as I pull back, reality crashing in again. “We’ve got to get the hell out of here before Helen or Silas wakes up. Your mom’s an early riser.”
He nods, sucking in a deep breath, and it hits me all over again what a big deal this is for a rule-following Boy Scout like him. Breaking the rules. Lying to his mom. Driving me to my doom.
Immediately, I feel awful. Guilty for dragging him into my mess.
“You don’t have to do this, you know.” I offer him the out he should take. “If it’s just because you’re worried about me hitchhiking, I’ve been saving up the lunch money Helen gives me. I’ve got enough for a bus ticket.”
Caleb’s jaw goes hard. “Is that why I haven’t beenseeing you around the cafeteria as much? Harper, you were supposed to buyfoodwith that money.”
“I skip lunch all the time.” I wave a hand like it’s no big deal. Like I haven’t been carefully hoarding every dollar for this exact moment. “Plus, I brought Helen’s leftover cookies for between classes.”
Caleb breathes out hard and pulls me in close again. My eyes flutter closed without permission. God, I love the feel of being pressed against his warm chest. The solid realness of him. The way he smells like clean laundry and something uniquelyCaleb.
“We’re going to have a long, hard talk about taking better care of yourself,” he murmurs into my hair. “But first, go get dressed.” He gives me a quick kiss. “Mom will probably be up within half an hour.”
“Oh shit!” I jump off the bed, and Caleb actually lets me this time.
I thought about packing a bag yesterday, but anything I would put in it would just be stuff that Helen bought for me since I’ve been here, and that feels wrong to take.
So I don’t grab anything more than the garbage sack of clothes I came with.
Sox comes out of her little den in my closet, meowing. It’s not breakfast time yet, but we’re up, so she expects food. I’m usually the one who feeds her.
“Hey, baby girl,” I whisper, crouching down.
She winds between my ankles, purring, completely oblivious to the fact that I’m about to abandon her.
My throat tightens. I pick her up, burying my face in her soft fur. She purrs louder, making biscuits on my upper arm.