I can’t believe her. Emmett told her he liked me, and she sabotaged me because she didn’t want me to behappy?
“I don’t even know where tostartwith what you’ve just said,” I fume, trying to wrap my mind around it.
She rolls her eyes and edges away from me. “It doesn’t matter. You can’t have everything, Carina. I may be losing my home and my family and my friends, but I’ll always have Emmett. He gives me the stability I need. He’s consistent and reliable, and he gives me a solid sense of home, and I’m not going to lose him to you.”
“I wasnevertrying to steal Emmett from you!” I shout, bewildered that I even have to clarify it. “When you told me you guys started dating, I never even told you not to or that it was terrible of you to date him knowing I’d been in love with him for years. I didn’t say that you were a shitty friend for not even talking to me about it. I sucked it up and told you I was happy for you. But Ishould’vesaid something.Youshould’ve said something. You knew how I felt about Emmett, and we just pretended like the second you started dating him, my crush magically went away.” Wetness lands on my cheeks, but it hasn’t started raining yet. Unleashing everything I’ve kept pent up all this time has cracked my chest wide open, overwhelming me with all the sadness and anger and betrayal and frustration I’ve pushed down and locked away.
Wiping away the tears, I continue, “It doesn’t work like that, Kalani! And when you heard me talking to my mom about my crush on Emmett last month, you should’ve said something instead of forcing me to go on terrible dates as punishment, just like I should’ve said something when you and Emmett started dating. But I didn’t realize how screwed up our friendship is, or how you thought about our friendship, how you thought ofme. Maybe it started from us not talking about Emmett, but we could’ve gotten past that. You could’ve told me how you were feeling about everything, how you were worrying about being left behind. That’s what friends are for.”
Standing here on the edge of a cliff, with raging water rushing below us and thunder rumbling in the sky as we each angrily swipe away tears and vent without holding back, I realize Kalani and I were both afraid of the same thing. Neither of us wanted our friends to move on and forget about us, and neither of us said anything.
“You could never understand,” Kalani says accusingly. “You have everything! I was jealous. I knew it wasn’t right, but I would come over to escape the fighting at my house, and your dad would bring up cookies and tell you he loved you. People would stop and talk to you in the halls even thoughIwas the one who was making an effort to get to know everyone. Do you know that when I signed up to run for prom queen, the head of the committee asked ifyouwere going to run too?You!”
“Are we even best friends?” I ask, throwing my arms up. “Everything from these last few days and everything you’re saying today leads me to believe you don’t evenlikeme.”
“That’s not true.”
“Kal, you literally said you gotenjoymentfrom my misery. Friends don’t do that! And you took a video of me puking and made me the laughingstock of the school. Of theinternet. Why? How could you do that to me?”
Kalani stills, and I can tell she’s mulling over what to say when she slowly admits, “Emmett’s been . . . interested in you . . . more than normal . . . ever since the dates started. Asking about you and talking about you and stuff. I don’t know if he’s jealous or excited for you or . . . I don’t know. But I know he wanted to go out with you and settled for me when he thought you didn’t feel the same. But I love him, Carina, and I’m jealous, okay? We were driving behind you when you puked, and I was upset and just started recording before I thought about it.”
Even after everything she just admitted to, and even with all the evidence stacked against her, some part of me was still holding on to the hope that it wasn’t her who recorded me and sent it out. But now she’s admitted it out loud, and those words come hand in hand with what’s most likely the beginning of the end.
Despite everything she’s said, I still feel the need to comfort her. Like the fight has been drained from me, I insist, “Emmett didn’tsettlefor you, Kalani.”
Kalani makes a face like she disagrees but doesn’t vocalize her thoughts. Instead, more solemnly now, she says, “I know these last few weeks have been screwed up, but if I regret anything, it’s taking that video and sending it out. I wasn’t thinking, and I’m genuinely sorry, Carina. I never meant to make you a laughingstock.”
Her apology sounds genuine, and I really do believe her, but still, I cry for the friendship we’ve ruined. “This all could’ve been avoided if we’d justtalkedto each other. And it’s not your fault alone, it’s mine too. If I wasn’t so scared of confrontation, we could’ve handled this way back at the beginning of the year, and we could’ve spent all this time as best friends,realbest friends, instead of you silently resenting me and me fearing you dropping me as a friend because of my crush on Emmett. But maybe dropping me as a friend would’ve been for the best.”
Kalani steps back from me like my last statement was a silent blow. “I was scared of losing you, but I ended up pushing you away anyway.”
Her movement tunes me into our surroundings, and for the first time, I realize we’ve been steadily migrating toward the edge of the cliff. Kalani must not have noticed either as she’s right by the edge, and as she takes another step backward, I scream out, “Kalani! Stop—”
But I’m too late. Kalani has taken that step, and her arms pinwheel for a second before she loses her balance and slips. She’s gone in a blink.
Her terrified scream rings in my ears as I charge to the ledge and launch myself off.
The fall lasts forever but happens so fast. The air whips around me and the cliffs blur and my stomach flies into my throat and my breath is sucked out.
I smash into the turbulent water so hard it disorients me. I don’t know which way to swim for the surface, and panic claws at my chest. My first instinct is to open my mouth and take a breath, but I force myself to stop thrashing long enough to open my eyes and search for Kalani. A flash of dark hair and bubbles has me spinning around, and I spot her flailing as she tries to swim despite not knowing how to.
My own lungs screaming at me, I push toward her and grab her. Together, we kick to the surface, breaking it and gasping for air, tears mixing with the water as I tread for the two of us.
There’s a splash beside us, and it’s Nico breaking the surface, followed by Ralph not too far behind him, and I’ve never been so happy to see a Santa-and-turkey shirt in my life.
“Carina!” Ralph yells, swimming powerfully toward us as I struggle to keep my and Kalani’s heads above water with the angry storm waves hitting our faces.
“Ralph! We’re here!” I call out, swallowing more water with every wave that pushes us back under. Despite knowing how to swim, I’m not the strongest at it, especially not in choppy waves anddoubleespecially not when I’m trying to support another person, so I’m flooded with relief when Ralph and Nico finally reach us.
They grab Kalani from me, and with heavy legs and watery lungs, we struggle through the rough waves to land.
We crawl onto the rocky shore, coughing and panting and crawling just far enough away from the shore to be deemed safe before flopping onto our backs and sucking air into our desperate lungs.
“Holy shit,” Ralph gasps as Nico catches his breath beside him. “Kalani, we saw you fall and Carina dive in after you. That was the scariest shit I’ve ever seen in my life.”
“Thanks for coming in after us,” I say to the two of them between gasps. They didn’t have to leap in after us—no one should be jumping or swimming in this weather—but I’m immensely glad they did. I’m not sure I would’ve been able to tow the both of us to shore without their help.
Distantly, over the roaring wind and waves, voices call out to us. Nico and Ralph stand, jumping and waving at the few very concerned people left on the cliff who just witnessed everything and are yelling to make sure we’re all okay.