Jay gestures at the triangle painting. “Is this the type of stuff you do?”
“No, I really enjoy doing portraits—I love capturing a person’s personality and spirit with a single image, but putting my own artistic spin on it. I guess they’re more contemporary, if I absolutely had to label it. Right now, I’m really into playing with a limited color palette.”
He makes a face like he has no idea what I’m talking about but nods anyway. “That’s cool. Have you painted me?”
I do a double take. “And why would I want to paint you?”
He grins. “Because I’m the most handsome guy you know.”
I laugh even though I don’t think he’s wrong, and the longer I study him, the more handsome he becomes. With his sharp jawline and smooth, dark skin and bottomless brown eyes and—
“Are you staring at me because you know I’m right?” Jay asks, a cocky smirk right at home on his face. “Or are you comparing me to your friend who you’re super in love with?”
I pivot and move on to the next art piece to avoid his questioning gaze. The truth is, I haven’t even thought about Emmett since I ran into Jay today, and I definitely haven’t compared Emmett to Jay tonight. I usually compare everyone to Emmett; what does it mean if I didn’t do that tonight with Jay?
“So we’re just not going to talk about it then?” he asks, cutting me off as I open my mouth. “And don’t give me that ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about’ shit, because we both know that you know that I know what you know, and you know it.”
His attempt to make me laugh works, and he nudges me with his shoulder as we stand side by side and view a blue canvas with angry yellow and purple lines going through it.
“There’s nothing to talk about,” I say, hating that he seems to observe every little thing about me with such ease.
“Mm-hmm.” He sounds like he doesn’t believe me. “But it might help to have someone to talk to about it.”
I hesitate. Itwouldbe nice to have someone to talk to other than my mom, especially since she mind-tricks the truth out of me. But then again, this isJay.
“Why are you being so nice to me today?” I squint at him suspiciously.
“I’m always nice.”
“That’s a lie and you know it.”
We move on to the last piece in this room. It’s also a dark canvas, matching the theme of the room, but there are only three triangles on this one, with one further from the other two and in a deeper shade; it feels left out, and my stomach drops.
“I think my friends only put up with me out of obligation.” My voice and the truth of my words surprise me.
Jay’s eyebrows draw together, and he gives his head a little shake. “What?”
My mouth opens and closes a few times as I try to find the right words. “Like, we only ever hang out as a group, but not aspeople, you know?”
“No, I don’t know. Have you been sniffing paint when my back is turned?”
A laugh escapes me before I grow thoughtful again. “Jay, I’m being serious.”
“Okay, okay. Explain in a not-so-Carina way.”
“Emi, Kalani, and I used to hang out just the three of us all the time. But then Kalani started dating Emmett and bringing him along, and Emi started dating Daphne and bringing her along. I’m happy that they’re happy, and obviously I love having them around, but it seems like my best friends are kind of growing up and moving on and forgetting about me. Especially now that we’re getting closer to graduating and heading off to university, it feels like they don’t really care to spend quality time together. I feel stupid saying it, but sometimes it’s like they just want to hang out as couples and only invite me along because they feel bad not doing it or want me to play moderator between their bickering.”
Jay is uncharacteristically serious as my words sink in. “I don’t think that’s true.”
I feel like shrinking into myself. “If it wasn’t, then why can’t we ever hang out just the three of us? Why are they pushing so damn hard for me to find someone? I’m perfectly fine alone. I don’t need a boyfriend, but they’re making it seem like Ineedsomeone, and it’s just so I don’t fifth wheel them anymore, so I have a date for stupid prom and don’t throw off their numbers.”
Jay purses his lips in thought. I feel awkward and vulnerable as his eyes bore into mine. “If your friends didn’t want you around, wouldn’t they just stop inviting you out?”
It’s a valid point, but we’re drifting apart. They don’t wake up and thinkI hate Carina, it’s more that they’re waking up with other things on their minds and at the very bottom of that list is me. While I don’t want or need to be at the top of their priority list, or even in the top ten or twenty, I don’t want to be left out. I don’t want them to open their yearbooks in two, five, ten years and come across my photo and goOh hey, I knew that girl.
“It’s not on purpose,” I tell Jay, ignoring the sting in my eyes. “It’s more like, ‘Hey, it’s couples’ night at this restaurant, let’s go. Oh wait, there’s Carina. I guess she can come or whatever.’ I’m being dramatic, but that’s the gist of it.”
Jay nods slowly. “So you think finding a guy will even out the numbers for couples’ night?”