The smugness disappeared from his voice.“I wanted to, Pam.I wanted to see you so much I could taste it.Then I thought of John, and I thought of how well things were going for you, and I couldn’t risk ruining that.”
“What’s changed from then to now?”
“You.You’re getting ready to graduate.It’s a wholechunk of your life I’ve missed.I had to see you before you moved on.”
“Oh, Cutter,” she sighed.She kissed his throat and the underside of his jaw before letting her mouth rest on the pulse point at his neck.She had always loved that spot.It was a bellwether of his state, slow and steady when he slept, strong and steady when he woke, less steady but stronger than ever when he wanted her.
He wanted her now.
“Look at me,” he whispered.
She did.His eyes were dark and hot in the night.He lifted her thigh over his, slid his hand to cover her bottom, and drew her forward.His entry was smooth; she was moist and ready for that, but the sense of utter fullness stunned her.She closed her eyes to savor the pleasure.
“Look at me,” he repeated.
When she did, he began to move, and the pleasure of that was so intense she thought she’d die of it.Over and over she breathed his name.She held tight to his arm, which held her tight to him.Then, sure she was dreaming since nothing had ever felt so good as his slow, deep stroking, she dropped her hand to his belly, then lower to clutch at the coarse hair that hit hers at each thrust.She breathed his name louder this time, a cry when her climax began.Her arms went around his neck.She held on for dear life while it shook her.By the time awareness returned, Cutter was at the end of his own release.She watched him as he fell back to the bed, panting, eyes closed, skin glossy with sweat.
When the panting eased, she put her thumb to the corner of his mouth.“I love you so much.”
He snagged her neck with an elbow and pulled until she lay half over him.“Didn’t use anything, Pam.”
It was a minute before she realized what he meant.“It’s okay.”
He opened an eye.“You take something?”
She nodded.
He opened both eyes.“Do you date much?Hillary would never tell me.”
“She couldn’t.I never told her.But there’s no one special, Cutter.The guys I know are just friends.”
“Students?”
“At Tufts, mostly.I take my academic courses there.Sometimes there’s a party or a lecture, and it’s nice to be with someone.”
“You’re on the Pill.”
The accusation was mild, but it was there.She put her forearms on his chest and swallowed before she spoke.“I never heard from you.I wasn’t sure if I ever would.Once I learned what you were doing, I thought for sure you’d forget me.You were with so many people.So many women.”
“I wasn’t.”
“Well, I thought you were.I thought you had a really busy and exciting life of your own and didn’t need me anymore.There were times when I felt so empty inside, and I thought that maybe if I was with someone it would help, only it didn’t.”She paused.“I’m sorry,” she whispered, wondering how often she’d have to say those words.She felt guilty about so many things.
Cutter held her head to his chest.His voice was gruff.“Don’t keep saying that.I can’t blame you for what you did.I may be jealous, but I don’t have the right.”
“Have there been many women?”
“No.”
“One, two?”She raised her head.“Would I know them?”
He studied her face and smiled gently.“No.And I won’t tell you their names.It’s irrelevant.”
“Are they my age?”When he didn’t answer, she asked, “Are they models?”
“Pam.”
“They must be beautiful.”