“Oh,Cutter.”
He kissed her once, then again, longer.He buried his face in the crook of her neck, wound his hand around her braid, and held her close.Catching her lips a third time, he bore her back on the bed.“Love you till the day I die,” he said hoarsely, “and want you till I can’t get it up.I need you, babe.”
She needed him, too, needed his hands on her breasts and her belly, and he gave her that.He touched her, stroked her, and when she began to burn, he took off her nightshirt and stroked her even higher.She was nearly in flames when he finally undressed, and there, with nothing between them but air, and then not even that, they were as they’d always been, so in love with each other that the rest of the world fell away.
She wasn’t sure she wanted to return.Long after the quivering stopped and her heartbeat leveled, she clung to Cutter, and he held her tenderly.After a time he stretched out beside her, propped himself on an elbow, and ran the backs of his fingers over the moist skin from her throat to her navel.
“You’re more beautiful than ever,” he whispered.“More mature.”
“I’m the same.”
“Ready to graduate.”
“Still the same.”She touched his jaw.“I’ve missed you so much.I dreamed of seeing you.There were times when I thought I had, when I’d be in a crowd somewhere and think you were there, but I could never find you.After Hillary told me where you lived, I dreamed of parking on your doorstep.I dreamed of picking up the phone and calling.I almost did, lots of times.But I was so scared.There was John.And you.”
“Me?”
Her throat tightened.“I wasn’t sure you still loved me.
He cupped her face with a firm hand.“I told you I’d love you forever.I always said that, and it’s true.”
“But you didn’t call.You didn’t come.I didn’t hear from you after that night … after … that night.”
He stroked her hair and held her closer.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.If she’d been stronger, if she’d paid more attention, if she’d expected the worst of John instead of deluding herself that he cared, the baby would be alive.“I’m so sorry.”
He raised her face with his hands.“Not your fault.John’s fault.”
Her heart skipped a beat.“You knew?”When she had finally spilled it to Hillary, she had sworn her to secrecy.She blamed herself for the abortion.She didn’t think she could bear it if Cutter blamed her, too.
But Cutter had mistaken her apology.“You told meabout his threats.You were terrified that last time, and you had a right to be.He’s a vicious man.But he’ll get his, Pam.”
Relieved, she felt a burst of strength.“I showed him your ads.It was worth going near him to see the astonishment on his face.”
“Astonishment?”
“Then anger.He got quiet and tight, and for a minute I thought maybe he’d take it out on me.But I didn’t care.I was so proud of those ads.I’m so proud of you.You’ve done so much.”
“I’ve been lucky.”
“You’ve been smart.You saw an opportunity and took advantage of it.”Her hands made an admiring circle of his chest before meeting near his navel.“What’s it like being a model?”
“Tedious.What’s it like being an artist?”
“I don’t know.I’m not a real one yet.”
“You had an exhibit atFacetslast winter.”
“It wasn’t much.Just a few pieces.”
“They were beautiful.”
“You saw them?”
He nodded.“Put on a duster and a Stetson and a pair of sunglasses.Didn’t look a bit like myself.”
“You saw my work but you didn’t see me?”