If Justin had given up everything for me all those years ago, there’d have been fallout neither of us was prepared for.Our idea about going to SFU would never have worked if he didn’t have money—like he’d said.He’d have felt guilty about letting his family down, especially when I was still putting mine first.And when Bruce lost his job and everything depended on me?That would have finished us.
Things had changed since then, on his side.Jess was fine.She had her boyfriend, and her degree, and her money problems were over.His parents, well, maybe they hadn’t changed much, but Justin had set boundaries.
But what about his teammates?The guys who’d become his family in Toronto?He’d hate letting them down.They were counting on him, and as much as I had tried to avoid news about JJ of the Toronto Blaze, he was an important part of that team.There was Fitch, who’d come with him when he first arrived to help him out.And Cooper, who stopped in to be sure Justin was playing this fall.They needed JJ.If Justin left the team and they lost their chance at the Cup, how resentful would Justin be?If not right away, eventually?Or what if they won and he missed out?
I didn’t want him to give up hockey.It wasn’t just his career, but his friends and his support.Especially not when it was such an important year for his team.
If he stayed with the team and we tried long-distance, wouldn’t he figure out that I was a bad bargain?He said he’d never really gotten over us, over me, but I couldn’t do that much for him.I’d be a drain, bringing him down, just like I had with Erik.Not to mention what it would do to Arne, who admired Mr.Justin.I couldn’t let Arne believe something was happening there when it would end.
Yeah, I had issues.And long-distance dating with a hockey player wouldn’t help.I could hear Bruce in my head, dripping poison.My mom, worried that any day I might leave.Erik—would he make a push to get custody of Arne because of his jealousy over Justin?I dropped my head in my hands.
It wasn’t fair, that I had to carry my family.If it wasn’t for Mom, I’d walk away.It would be hard for Arne, but we could make it.Mom, however, wasn’t going to leave the others, and no one else would make sure she was okay.
I loved Justin.I wanted what was best for him, and I wasn’t it.But how did I make him see?This wasn’t like last time.No one would manipulate him into changing his mind.But I had to make sure he made the best decision forhim, not me.
As long as he was happy.That would be enough happiness for me.It would have to be.
Justin
It won’t work.I can’t leave my family.Please give me space.
I’d been gathering up arguments, thinking of ways I could support her so that thiscouldwork.But Mia pulled a play out of my book and avoided me.She sent a damned text message, making sure that I couldn’t sway her, and asked me to leave her alone.
She was scared.I got it.But what was I supposed to do?If I stayed, got a trade or retired, would she let me in?Or would she push me away, sacrificing herself to make someone else happy?
I was antsy, desperate to do something, but there was nothing to be done.My agent called, said the team wanted to see me in Toronto ASAP.There was no point in risking my career if it wouldn’t get me Mia.The ticket I’d bought was sitting there, ready for me to leave.Maybe it was a sign to give her that space.
There was one person I could talk to about this, someone who would want what was best for me as me—Justin, not JJ.I called my twin.
“Justin!How are you?”
“Good.”Physically, at least.“The hand is almost back to normal.”
“Well, don’t punch any more teammates.”Her voice was dry.
I smiled.“I won’t.The team asked to see me back in Toronto.”
“Is that good or bad?”The teasing was gone.
“Why would you think bad?”
“What if they want to trade you?”
Instead of making me nervous, I actually felt excited.“Did Alek hear something?”
“Why would he?”
“I don’t know.Maybe his agent is more in the loop than mine.Nothing can be officially discussed till July first.”Which was only a couple of weeks away.
“Right.So, it’s good?”
“It’s probably about Cooper’s plan.They want to be sure I’m in.”
“And you are, right?”
I paused.
Jess picked up on that immediately.“What is it?Mia?”