“Are you sure?He seems to be successful now… Maybe you want to try again?”
I caught the worried look on her face.What would she do if I left?“He’ll be back in LA after he finishes this TV show.My life is here.”
Mom wanted me to be happy, but she couldn’t hide the relief she felt at knowing I was sticking around.It was nice that I was needed and would be missed if I left.But what was in my future?Would I be waving Arne off to university in twelve years, still here, still taking care of Mom?She’d probably be in a wheelchair at that point.Would Cora and Dorian be gone?What would I do if it was just me and Mom and Bruce?
When the pot was clean, I went upstairs to find Arne in bed with a book.I loved this kid, so much, but I wouldn’t try to keep him here with me.I wanted him to spread his wings and fly.
Once Arne said good night, he soon fell asleep.Not me.Going out to watch Erik had distracted me, but now memories of the kiss with Justin rushed to the forefront of my mind.It took me a long time to get to sleep.
Damn it.We had to get past this.Or else I’d have to quit.I didn’t want to.But was that because it was an easy job with great hours, or was it because of Justin?It might be better if I didn’t look at my reasons too closely.
Chapter20
Marry in Haste
Justin
Mia showed up the next morning with her game face on.Her smile was forced and she didn’t meet my eyes as she said hello and moved to the coffeemaker, keeping herself busy and her back to me.
It was tempting to follow her lead and pretend the kiss never happened.After a bit of awkwardness, we’d move on.It was a tried and true technique for me.But long term, it didn’t work.
More than that, I needed to make sure Mia was okay.No one else was checking on her.
“We should talk about the kiss.”My eyes stayed glued to the empty coffee cup as I forced the words out.
Mia whirled around.“Um…we don’t, not really.We were just overwhelmed by memories or pheromones or whatever and we agree nothing happened and move on.”
It would be easy to just agree but… “Unless it happens again?”
“What?It won’t—I mean, you said you shouldn’t have.You don’t want to, do you?”
Her eyes were wide and panicked.She didn’t look like a woman who wanted a repeat, which gave me another chance to opt out, but nope.Not this time.
“I shouldn’tandI don’t want toare different things.We need to own up to still being attracted to each other.”I’d never found scrubs sexy before, but on Mia?Definitely.My eyes had wandered from looking at the coffee cup to admiring the way her breasts pushed against her top, and damn.That was not what I should be doing.She might try to deny it, but she’d returned that kiss.She’d enjoyed it.
“But we’ve moved on, right?”
I leaned back, working this out as we talked.“Being attracted and having feelings are different.The chemistry might still be there between us”—and it was—“but that doesn’t mean the emotions follow.I had a huge crush on Tessa Virtue when I first started noticing girls, but it was just a crush.”
Mia crossed her arms, hip leaning on the counter.“I remember you telling me that.You’re saying it’s just a physical thing, that kiss.”
I hoped it was, because otherwise I was in deep shit.“We always had chemistry, so it’s not really a shock that it’s still there.”
“But just chemistry.”
I shrugged.“Yeah.Emotions—that’s more than attraction and sex.Right?”
Mia wasn’t tense now.She had that crease in her brow that meant she was thinking about something.Remembering that had nothing to do with chemistry and everything to do with emotion, and that was what needed to be squashed.
“You have a point.Actors and athletes you see on TV might inspire fantasies, but that’s not emotion.”She nodded, as if that would make it so.
Now I wanted to know who these men were who inspired Mia’s fantasies.Actors and athletes—like her ex and me.Though athletes were more likely to be someone like Cooper.I loosened my grip on the coffee cup since my knuckles were showing white.“So we admit we’re attracted to each other, but that doesn’t mean we haven’t moved on.”
The words felt wrong as I said them, but what the hell else was I supposed to do to get over Mia?
She twisted her lips.“Since we both got married.Unless that was just chemistry.”Her cheeks turned red.“Not that it’s any of my business!And I’m not saying that with Erik—” She covered her face with her hands.
Was it just chemistry with her ex, not real emotion?But they got married.Had a child together.Or maybe it was like Sharleen and me, where chemistry faked emotion.I hadn’t realized until it was too late.Not that I wanted to spill my guts, but perhaps this was part of the process.Or maybe I just wanted Mia to feel better.