“What—no, honey. Not if you don’t want to.” Mom laughs. “You and Saylor can navigate that however you want. Just be nice if she reaches out to you.”
“I will.” I almost twitch at the idea of Saylor actually messaging me. We’ve been around each other a lot, but again, we have nothing in common, except Bethany and Jake, and I guess the fact that she’s gay now. Still, I don’t think Saylor and I need to hang out one-on-one. This weird lump forms in my throat.
She’s a lot to look at, even with that big scrape on her face covered in ointment. She has a big personality and is nice too, but just not my vibe. It means nothing that we have one thing in common now, and I really, really wish that tiny part of my brain hadn’t picked this exact moment to cough up the idea of Saylor and I together. Like,togethertogether. We don’t like each other like that. She would definitely never like me like that.
I swallow and absolutely do not think about what it would be like to kiss Saylor Ford.
“If you’re good to go, I’m outta here,” Mom says.
“Okay.”
Mom squeezes my hand and then grabs her keys. She directs the dogs to their beds, but before she can get to the garage door, there’s one more thing I want to say.
“I really appreciate you and Dad keeping it chill online,” I call out. “I mean I know you support my gayness, but thanks for not dedicating a whole post to it on the Bright Smiles Instagram page.”
“No problem.” Mom laughs and then she heads out the door. “We will do our best to never mind your business.”
“You’re a real one, Mommy.”
•••
It takes me a full episode ofCall the Midwifeto figure out what I’m actually going to do with my day. I decide to go back through all of my favorite pieces since freshman year and pick a bunch to post. That’ll stress me out enough for one day. I’m about to go up to my room to go through my stuff when the doorbell rings. I tell the dogs to stay and then head out to grab it. I’m right by the door when the bell rings again.
“I’m coming!” I call out. I glance out the side window and make a noise deep in my chest when I see Saylor Ford standing on our front porch. I’m not really sure what to do. I close my eyes and let out a shaky breath and then open the door. It’s easily eighty-five degrees out, but I don’t know if the heat blast to my face is from the weather or the fact that Saylor is at my house.
I’ll be honest. I’ve spent a lot of time trying not to look at Saylor. She’s like walking around in real life with a beauty filter fine. Perfect, big curly hair and nice lips. It’s hard not to have the hots for her on principle. I don’t think there’s a single person at our school who isn’t a little bit in love with her beauty, but I know it makes no sense for me to even think about her like that. Or at least it didn’t when I thought she was straight, but now—actually, there’s nobut. It’s not happening. Saylor and I have no business sharing the same oxygen, but she is at my house now. And she’s sweating.
“Uh, hey.”
“Hey, Heaven,” she huffs with a smile. “Can I come in?”
“Oh yeah. Come in.”
“Thanks.” She steps inside and thankfully notices our bench and our shoe rack. She steps out of her white Converse and turns to me, still smiling.
“Do you want some water or something? You look—hot.” This is why I don’t talk to people.
“Yeah, that would be great. Thanks.”
“Come on,” I say, nodding toward the kitchen. She follows me, and I’m glad at least part of my brain is still functioning. I don’t drop the glass I reach for and even manage to fill it with ice and water before I hand it back to her.
“Thanks.” She’s still cheery and I’m still very confused. And then I feel bad as I watch her awkwardly use the fingertips on her right hand to steady the glass as she holds it in her left. Carefully, she sets it down with a refreshing “Ahh!” and looks back at me.
“So?” I shrug.
“Yeah. Hi. Thanks for letting me in and for the water.”
“No problem. What are you doing here? How do you even know where I live?”
“Glory lives down the street. Remember?” she says.
I didn’t forget that one of her besties lives at the end of the block, but that still doesn’t make what’s happening right now less weird. “Did you walk here?” I really want her to say no, but she nods and then laughs.
“Yeah. It wasn’t a good idea, but I was kind of desperate.”
“Okay…what’s going on? And why didn’t you just text me?”
“Little trick I learned from my mom. It’s hard for someone to say no to your face. Also, I’m not above begging.”