“Heaven’s doing a summer bingo challenge her dad put together. Tasks around town, some fun activities at home, and there’ll be a nice prize at the end. Her dad is very proud of the board he made in Canva.” Dr.G laughs. She reaches over and touches Heaven’s edges, which along with her ever-present low bun, are slicked back into last week with a ton of gel. It’s her signature style, but it looks tight and painful, yet still good.
“Oh, that sounds like so much fun,” Mom says, looking over at me.
“That does sound cool,” I agree. “Definitely beats sitting on the couch all day. I can’t swim, can’t play any sports. I can’t even drive myself around.” Stupid cast.
“You know what? Would you mind if Saylor tags along, Heaven?” my mom asks, like she’s lost her whole mind. I look over at her, my head almost turning in slow motion. The absolute mortification I feel, I immediately pass away.
“Mom, you can’t just ask someone to let me join their summer plans,” I say.
“Oh, I’m sorry.” Mom cringes, looking between Dr.G and Heaven. “I got a little ahead of myself.”
“It’s okay,” Dr.G says. “Even I stay out of the bingo. Her dad is the mastermind. Maybe Saylor can come over sometime and you two can hang out.” No one on earth can miss the way Heaven looks at her mom then. There’s a split second where I feel like we’re bonding, both blindsided by theway our moms are completely ignoring all acceptable social cues. Yes, I would love to just hang out with Heaven. Just spend an afternoon staring at her face. But I have a raging crush that I clearly need to speak to a therapist about. No one in this conversation or this whole Whole Foods thinks Heaven actually wants to spend time with me.
Heaven swallows and glances over at me and my mom before she gives a tense nod. “Yeah, that would be cool,” she says, her voice quivering. “I’ll, uh—I’ll message you or something.”
“Great,” Mom says. Dr.G nods in agreement, and I think Heaven and I both want to disappear into the floor for very different reasons. I silently vow to DM Heaven as soon as I get home to let her off the hook. Even if I wish she was madly in love with me, a mom-established playdate is not the vibe. Mom and Dr.G talk for a few more minutes. We go our separate ways, and luckily we don’t run into them again before we make it to the checkout.
When we get back in the car, I remember what Dr.G said, that she saw my mom’s video. I can’t help but wonder if Heaven saw it too. If she even cares that I’m queer too. Of course she doesn’t. Why would she?
“Mom, can I ask you something?” I say as we drive past the Culver Steps again.
“Sure, honey.”
“Why did you make that post about me coming out?”
“What do you mean? ’Cause I love you and I am proud of you. And our family,” she says, and I take a deep breath as I can hear in her voice the tears starting to gather.
“Don’t cry, Mom.”
She laughs. “I’m sorry. I just love you girls so much. And I’m happy that you were comfortable enough to tell me and your dad. I thinkIhave the best kids in the world, and I should celebrate that.”
I nod, biting the inside of my lip. I want to ask her if she cares about the mean things people are saying about me, about her and my dad in her comments. I want to tell her how it feels to see people say they don’t know if my little sisters are safe around me anymore. I want to tell her how embarrassing it is that my dentist and my crush know that I’m gay now and I had no control over how they found out. But I really, really don’t want my mom to start crying.
“Now we just gotta find you a girlfriend,” Mom says, her voice all cheery again.
I almost open the car door and roll out into traffic.
7
Heaven
“Okay, my princess.” I peek out from the pantry as Mom comes jogging down the stairs, Fergie and Di trailing behind her. “You sure you don’t want to come?”
“Nah, it’s fine.” My mom is meeting a few of her friends from dental school for lunch. They meet up once a month and talk about crowns and veneer technology, I think. They are really nice, but the conversation is boring.
“Okay, well, your dad will be back by four and then we’re going to the movies with Rick and Kelly. You have your Olive Garden leftovers—”
“And all the Whole Foods snacks I can handle. I’ll be fine. I should probably get started on my online portfolio for Miss Kelly.”
“Perfect. Just text me if you and the boys decide to go out.”
“Won’t happen. Ax has to work today, and Jake had his first night shoot last night. He said he’s sleeping all day.”
Mom comes around the kitchen island and kisses me on my forehead. “Well, at least you’ll see them tomorrow for Skate Church, right?”
“Right.” Every Sunday for as long as forever, Jake, Axel,and I have spent at the skate park with our dads. My dad used to joke that it was our religious experience, our community gathering at the park, but over time it’s become just that exactly. I’m glad we’ve stuck with it.
I look down at Fergie, who is sitting between my mom and me, hoping someone will pet her. I scratch the back of her ear and ask the real question I’ve been thinking about since we left the store. “Um—do I really have to hang out with Saylor Ford?”