“I like being here with you,” I tell him as I roll to face him. It’s the truth, but I feel like I have to tell him because I’m holding so much else back.
He squeezes me tighter. “I’m trying not to let that go to my head,” he says.
I want to tell him I love him. I don’t know if I do, but I want to tell someone who isn’t Liz or Brook something that matches what I’m feeling. That it hurts not to tell certain people I love them anymore, face to face. I open my mouth before I can stop myself.
“Can I tell you I love you even if I don’t know if I mean it? I don’t think I mean it, that way.”
“With that caveat, yeah.”
“I love you so much. It hurts.” I say as I bury my nose in his chest hair. I’m crying again. His hand strokes down my back. He kisses the top of my head.
“I love you too.”
* * *
Saturday wasmuch heavier than we both want to admit. Sunday we decide to chill. He walks Titus without me. I’m conflicted about this when I wake up, like actually kind of pissed. I needed the sleep and I wasn’t in the mood for an early morning walk through the woods, but I hate it when Shep leaves me in the house alone. I know he locks the doors and we’re in the middle of nowhere, but still. I’ve been in the middle of nowhere before. But I did need the sleep. He’s up making breakfast when I finally wake up and realize I desperately need a shower.
There’s coffee when I get dressed. After we eat, Shep forces me to watchFirst Blood. I pretend to hate it, but I break down in a combination of hysterical tears and laughter when I admit that I used to make Miles watch it all the time when we were kids because he did the funniest impression of Sylvester Stallone.
Shep admits to me that his grandfather and Jad used to watch this movie together like it was Monday Night football. He also vows to find something I’ll really hate for making him sit through almost a whole season ofThe Originals. I tell him if he digs upWeekend at Bernie’sI’ll burn down his house and steal his dog. He gets that I’m not joking.
We manage to keep our genitals apart all day, but I am horny as fuck by the time we finish doing the dinner dishes. I tell Shep that we need to do something about his jizzing all over me. I’m half joking, but he gets serious and sits me down on the island stools.
“I want to check in with you first and see if you’re still interested in submitting to me this week.” he asks.
“Yes. Of course I am. We’ve been fucking all weekend. Why? Do you have a new quest for me?”
He makes a face, but nods. “Yes.”
Now I’m concerned. “What’s up?”
“I’ve never been with anyone who talks back as much as you do, but I like it. I finally figured out a way to punish you that won’t end up being a backhanded punishment for me. We took this weekend off, but I would like to start fresh tomorrow.”
“We can do that.”
“Do you understand what a safe word is and how it works?” I make a face, but he is dead serious and he’s not budging. I cough and sit up.
“A safe word lets you know that I’m not cool with what’s happening and I want you to stop.”
“That’s correct. I want you to pick a safe word.”
“How about ‘hedgehog’? I have no reason whatsoever to say that word.”
“Hedgehog works just fine. Tomorrow you will be with me all day, including first thing in the morning when I go out to photograph the mountain so we’re going to go to bed early. The post office will let me know when our stuff is here. We’ll head down to town and pick that up and run some other errands. Probably have dinner down there and then we’ll come back up and play for a little while. If you behave.”
“Okay…” I’m dying to know what he means. “Will this be another tits out dinner?”
“Probably. Is that a problem?”
“No.”
“Good. Go take off your clothes and go lie on the bed.”
“Yes, sir,” I say with a little two fingered salute. His eyes narrow at me as I hop off the stool. I laugh. “What? I’m following your directions.”
“Mhmm.”
I go into the bedroom and I find that I’m back in the mood by the time I’m naked on top of the bed spread. I look up when he walks into the room. The sight of him pulling off his shirt makes me swallow.