“In that case, do as you wish. Live and let live, Silas. You have done enough. You have let your scars haunt you for too long. And today, you found justice for your grandfather. You have done well. Now it is time to do better.” She leaned forward and pressed a kiss on his cheek. “And I am here, so you never have to face any worry by yourself. You forgot that before – do not make that mistake again.”
It felt as though his heart was being coated in a warm salve, the aches that had dwelled within slowly fading into a dull thrum. With a sigh of relief, he let himself rest in her embrace, allowing his past to stay where it truly belonged – behind him.
Silas was not surprised to find sleep evading him later that night.
He had skipped dinner, opting to organize his thoughts by himself instead, still stuck on getting his household back to order as soon as possible. While his grandmother had been right about their household being able to withstand whatever waves might occur without a butler or a housekeeper, he still wished for there to be no more problems – especially with his wedding so close.
Lukas and Marion might have been literal personifications of wolves in sheep’s clothing, but they were hard workers and did their jobs efficiently.They had to have been, he realized; otherwise, they would have garnered suspicion. And although he might want nothing more to do with them ever again and prayed that they would rot in prison, he also harbored some hope that whatever valuable knowledge they had imparted to the other members of the staff on the matters of ensuring that the mansion is kept in top condition would stick for as long as it needed to until they were under new management.
He did not want to worry about things like this when his thoughts and actions should be given towards earning Agnes’ trust and proving himself worthy of her. He had given his word that he would be better and fully intended to keep them, whatever it took –
A knock at his door caught his attention. He frowned at it, wondering who it could be at this late hour. For a second, he imagined that there was trouble afoot and stormed out of bed quickly, walking towards the door and flinging it open.
Before him stood Agnes, with a hand raised to his door as though she was about to knock again. Her eyes widened at the sight of him, her gaze dropping down for a moment before springing back to his eyes as she blushed. Confused, Silas glanced down at himself and realized that, in his haste, he had forgotten to put on a shirt.
Although chastity might not be a thing for them to keep in mind after all they’d done, he did not wish to make her uncomfortable.
“Sorry,” he apologized, gesturing to his bare top half.
“N-No,” she shook her head. “You’re fine – I mean, it’s fine!”
Her reaction made him want to tease her, but it was likely preferable for him to be on his best behavior, so he merely grinned.
“If you say so. Did you need something?”
She started to speak and then faltered, dropping her gaze. Her hands pressed against her sides and clung to the soft-looking material of her dressing gown as she seemingly forced the words out.
“Can I sleep with you tonight? J-Just sleep – nothing else. I thought… I thought you might like some company and I was really worried about you. Today has been quite a mess.”
It was very thoughtful of her, proving once again how good of a person she was, whereas he was still undeserving.
But you want her affection, a voice that sounded like his grandfather’s whispered into his mind. You want all that she has to offer, so accept it. It is not in your place to question her choice to share her love. It is your duty to work at being worthy of it.
Inhaling deeply, he stepped aside and gestured forward.
“I would like your company tonight. Just sleeping is quite fine with me.”
“Oh,” she blinked, looking surprised at his easy acceptance.
Slowly, she walked into the room, and he shut the door behind her, following her closely as she headed to his bed. When she arrived at it, she stood, looking a little lost. With a light chuckle, he climbed into it first and situated himself on his side, leaving a spot in front of him for her and opened up his arms in invitation.
Agnes smiled at him and lay down, pressing herself to his chest. As his arms wrapped around her, she felt her body relax immediately, and she buried her face in his neck.
“Are you all right?” she questioned softly. “I’m sorry – that is probably a stupid question given all that happened.”
“It’s not,” he hummed, resting his chin on her head. “And you? How are you feeling?”
“Fine. Just a slight headache, but nothing too serious. I’m more worried about you.”
She was far too kind, and it made him greedy. He wanted to have her, to hold onto her until his last days – a possibility that could end up fading if he did not do his best to convince her that he meant what he had said.
He pursed his lips in thought and then admitted quietly.
“I’m not… all right. Hearing them talk about my grandfather like that – as though he meant nothing to them at all – was devastating. To them, his life was a mere pawn they used to get back at me. And I feel like it is my fault that he was lost, but… I don’t want to blame myself forever. He wouldn’t want that. I’m just going to move forward like he would prefer me to.”
She smiled and nuzzled into his neck.
“That sounds like a wonderful idea. It will take a little while, but you will be all right.”