“He’s feeling much better! He recovered so quickly, it startled me.”
“He’s a strong horse. Much like his owner,” the Dowager Duchess remarked gently, lifting her hand to stroke Silas’ hair the way she used to when he was younger. Then she beamed at Agnes and queried, “So, darling, how do you plan on testing my stubborn grandson’s loyalty?”
Agnes glanced between them and smiled a little. “I’m not sure, to be honest. I don’t have anything specific in mind right this moment.”
“Do not fret, love. I think I have just the thing. Let’s discuss it further later.” Silas’ grandmother winked at her and walked off to her friend.
“I think I should be concerned over my well-being,” Silas mumbled, staring off after his grandmother.
“Perhaps you should,” Agnes winked coyly.
They returned home, everyone worn out from the day’s events. Even Agnes showed no disappointment over being unable to compete after all the preparations she had made, merely expressing her concerns over Scar’s health. Silas assured her that the horse would make a full recovery and even put the creature back in his stall in the stables himself.
When he made his way back into the house, his grandmother was waiting for him.
“I want to sit and talk with you for a bit. It’s been a while since we’ve really settled down to have a conversation.”
He agreed easily, understanding that she likely needed a lot of comfort after all that had come to light today.
“Of course, Grandmother. Shall I ask them to bring us some tea and biscuits?”
She shook her head, turned around, and began to walk up the stairs.
“No need. All I need right now are my flowers and some fresh air.”
He realized she intended to go to the rooftop garden, and his heart sank again over the fact that there seemed to be nothing he could do to help her feel better. They walked in silence, not speaking until they were seated on a bench beneath the small canopy strung up to provide some shade.
“What do you plan to do now?”
He turned to face her, a little uncertain why she was asking all of a sudden, then replied.
“I was heading to my study earlier. We… we are in need of a new butler and a housekeeper. I should begin preparations to find their replacements.”
She waved a hand in the air dismissively.
“Leave it for now. Our household will not crumble in one day without them. Besides, that is not your duty to handle.”
“I want to do it. I want to personally vet the reliability and trustworthiness of the replacements myself – to avoid the hiring of troublemakers. Perhaps if I had been vigilant in the first place –”
“Silas, stop,” she scolded, sounding tired. “I understand that you feel responsible for all of this, but you must know that none of it was your fault. They made their own choices. They chose to blame you for their misfortunes, too – to take the life of my sweet Nicholas, rather than make some sort of effort to fix theirlives. None of that – none of it at all is your fault, Silas. Do not let them trap you in the past with their lies. It has happened, and there is nothing we can do about it now but look forward to the future.
“And what a bright one lays ahead of you. You are young and full of life and in good health. And you have a wonderful young woman who loves you. Yes, your own feelings and loyalties are being put to the test, but I would say that you earned that punishment. For your sake and hers, do not dwell so much on what has been done. Focus on what you will do to make sure that you do not lose that lovely girl. It would be a terrible shame if you do.”
“Do I even deserve the right to love her? After all that I did to her? How poorly I treated her? Grandfather would be so disappointed in me if he knew just how badly I acted since we lost him,” Silas quietly stated, staring at a row of gleaming white lilies.
A hand gently rested on his hair, and he couldn’t help but lean into the warm touch, feeling what was left of his walls crumble as his grandmother spoke to him gently.
“It is so odd. You spent all that time with him, but sometimes, when you speak or act, it is as though you never knew him at all. Your grandfather loved you immensely, Silas. Of course, he was sometimes strict with you and quite serious about grooming you into a proper young man, but still… you were one of his weaknesses – and he had very few of those. He might not have been happy with the path you had chosen after his passing, butI think he – better than anyone else – would have understood. He would have realized that you were in deep pain and you were only doing what you felt you had to in order to survive. And I think what would frustrate him is if you realized the error of your ways and refused to change. It is up to you now what comes next. What do you wish for?”
The answer had been right before his eyes for a long time now.
“To love. To be loved.”
“And is there anything keeping you from doing that?”
“… other than myself… no.”
She grinned at him and ruffled his hair, the way his grandfather was fond of doing.