“Never.” I held his gaze, daring him to tell me I should have done otherwise.
Archer’s face was implacable. Terrifying. “What’s his name?”
“Why, you gonna take him out for me?” I asked with a smile.
He didn’t smile back.
I rolled my eyes, but there was no heat behind it. “Archer, it’s fine. It was a decade ago, and I’m thankful I don’t have to share Gavin. I don’t have to undo someone else’s influence in trying to raise a good human. He’smine. No one else’s.”
There was a thoughtful expression on his face. “So your list ...”
“It’s protection. For me and for Gavin.” I shrugged weakly. “Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t.”
Understanding lit up his eyes. “The guy you told me about at the bar.”
I smiled. “Yeah. I was the butt of a joke to him—or his friends, at least. But I shouldn’t have taken that out on you. It just ... triggered me, I guess.” Now it was Archer’s turn to look sad. “I want ... I want safe. Normal. A quiet love with someone perfectly average. Someone nice. Kind. Humble.”
The last word made his eyes flicker, the muscle in his jaw flex. “Normal.”
Slowly, I nodded. “You’ve seen my life, Archer.”
“It’s a good one. You’re a great mother. Great friend. Granddaughter. Boss.” He hooked a thumb over his shoulder at the hallway outside my office. “And this? You’re actually making the world better. You’re not average, Remi. You are so far above it.”
The sweet, perfect words drenched some long-dried-out part of me that still wanted poetry and grand gestures. I wasn’t just the rebel or the Siren. Once—even if it was a long time ago—I had been a romantic. I’d forced myself to forget that too. “I’m no angel, Archer. I gave as good as I got when you showed up.”
His heated study of my face made my stomach clench. “I’m aware. It made me fucking crazy.”
Another step, and Archer was closer again.
“Archer,” I warned.
“What?”
My hands gripped the edge of my desk so hard, I thought it might snap off in my hands. “Don’t put me up on a pedestal.”
“I’m not. Tell me all your flaws, and I’ll decide if they’re a deal-breaker. Maybe I have a list of my own.”
“No, you don’t,” I chided.
He was unrepentant, inching closer with another step. “No, I don’t. But if I did, I can tell you what would be on it.”
“Don’t.”
“She’d have red hair.” The way he looked me over—thorough and intense—heated me to my throbbing core. “Green eyes that look blue sometimes. Hell of a swing.”
“Archer.” My eyes fell closed. “I was horrible to you. Do you know what I told Ness your first day?”
“Tell me.” His nose traced my temple, his exhales against my skin sending a shiver down my spine. “Tell me something bad. Please.”
My hands shook where I kept them anchored on the desk. “I wanted you to suffer while you were here. I told her I’d make you miserable.”
“You do. God, do you make me miserable.” Archer’s fingertips traced the edge of my jaw, and my heart skipped at the feel of his skin on mine. “Every day I think about how you felt, how good you’d feel now that I know you. How badly I want to kiss you. Remi, I am inagonynot being able to touch you.”
I cannot want Archer Evans.
Loving someone like him would tear apart the fabric of my carefully-held-together world. He’d eclipse everything. The stage was too big, the risk of disappointment and heartache too great. Not just for me but for Gavin too.
“I can’t,” I begged, insides quaking. “Please don’t make me push you away right now. I couldn’t bear it.”