Oh good, I’d had the healthiest fucking day of my entire life, then. Yay me.
Gavin tilted his head, then glanced up at me. “Does that mean you ... you love Archer? Is he your boyfriend?”
My throat went bone dry. “He’s not my boyfriend, honey. But I do care for him. A lot. And today we had a hard conversation about whether we can stay friends, because our lives are so different.”
His little brow furrowed. “Just because someone’s life is different doesn’t mean you can’t be around them. Isn’t that what you always say? That it’s good to be around people who are different than you? It’s how we learn.”
Innocence had a way of cutting so effectively through all the bullshit. “You’re right. I do say that.” I smiled. “I think maybe I need to take my own advice a little bit more.”
“Yeah,” he sighed. “You’re pretty smart. For a mom.”
Pops laughed. I rolled my eyes but kissed Gavin on the cheek. “Thanks. I think.”
“So what are you gonna do?” Gavin asked.
“About what?”
He gave me aduhlook. “About Archer.”
“You’d want me to talk to him again?” I asked carefully. “Even after today?”
Gavin dropped his gaze. “Yeah. I think maybe I should apologize for pushing him. That wasn’t nice.” He raised his eyes. “Do you like him? Like,like himlike him?”
Turned out, it wasn’t as hard as I thought to say what I was feeling. Not now, after I’d peeled back something I didn’t know I’d been hiding behind.
I was still raw. Stripped down to the bone. If I had the ability, I’d sleep for a week after what I’d just experienced. But it wasn’t hard to look back and see why I’d fled, why I’d warred so mightily with myself, without even knowing the reason why.
It wasn’t about Archer. It wasn’t about his job.
Not really.
It was about me. About finding a balancing act between the life that I knew and a life that seemed like a fantasy. A life he’d thoroughly anchored himself at the center of. A life that would always remain just out of reach.
“Yeah. I do.” I exhaled. “I like him a lot.”
“Good.” He smiled. “He likes you too. He always stares at you when you’re in the room.”
My heart rolled unsteadily in my chest, and to my surprise, the ache wasn’t nearly as bad as before. “Does he?”
“Yeah. He’s not very good at hiding it. I should probably give him some tips.”
I arched an eyebrow. “And how do you know about all this?”
“Mom,” he groaned. “I’m not talking about my crush with you—but trust me, I’m way better at it than he is.”
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Archer
“You okay, QB?”
I paused as I reracked my weights, meeting Williams’s concerned gaze. I’d been quieter than normal for two days before someone finally asked. Even Analise gave me a wide berth at home.
“No, Grant, I’m not.” I laid my hand on his shoulder and squeezed. “Thank you for asking.”
“D-do you want to talk about it?”
My entire body felt heavy with grief, and if I tried to explain a single bit of it to anyone, I’d end up crying in the middle of the fucking weight room.