Once we were in my neighborhood, Ollie circled around until he found an open parking space, but he didn’t shut off the car.
“For the record, I’m not sorry you came out tonight,” he said, and then looked over at me. “I’m only sorry you feel it was a mistake.”
With my hand on the door handle, I opened my mouth to apologize, but the words dissolved on my tongue with one look at the sincerity on his face. The truth was that the guy scared me—not in a boogie man kind of way, but in a way that had me questioning everything I thought I knew about myself. More than anything, I hated that I’d disappointed him, but I had a feeling any apology I gave tonight would be tossed aside, and so I simply thanked him for letting me tag along and headed upstairsto my empty apartment—alone and more miserable than I had been in a long time.
twenty-four
REID
I WAS A zombie the next day and all through dinner with my folks that evening. I replayed the night over and over again in my head, and I still couldn’t believe how badly I’d acted last night. Lashing out at Ollie was the final straw that told me I needed to figure my shit out. He’d been nothing but good to me from day one, and I’d shown my ass. It wasn’t like me at all, and I had no excuse. None. But even though my fingers itched to pull out my phone and call him to apologize, I had another problem.
The chair across from me was now empty, Anna having discreetly disappeared from the table at some point. The hug she’d given me the other day was apparently a distant memory, since she was back to avoiding me and dipping out early whenever I was around.
It seemed like a Reid apology tour was in order, because I was done pissing off the people around me. I had issues I needed to work through, and I couldn’t begin to do that if I didn’t confront the problems I knew I could fix. Starting with my sister.
After excusing myself from the table, I looked in her room, but when I didn’t see her, I headed for the back door. I knew Anna was having a hard time coming to terms with the last few months just as I was, and I needed her just as much as sheneeded me. Even with the age difference, we’d been close, and I wanted to mend the rift between us. I knew she missed me, but she didn’t want to admit it. We needed to talk, and I knew just where to find her.
The sun still shone brightly in the sky as I crossed the sidewalk behind my parents’ house and headed down the grassy bank to where Anna stood tossing bits of leftover dinner rolls to the ducks.
“Hey, Banana.”
She flinched at my voice but didn’t turn around. “I thought you would’ve left already.”
“No. Why? Do you want me to leave?”
She shrugged her delicate shoulders and then threw another piece of the roll even farther out.
I was determined to heal our relationship, somehow, someway. But she wasn’t making it easy by keeping herself closed off.Hey, whaddya know, sort of like you, huh, asshole?
“Do you mind if we talk?” I asked as I came up beside her. She was almost as tall as me now, and lanky, though she was no athlete. She was more into books and poetry and always had been.
Anna shrugged again, and I dropped down to the grass to make myself comfortable.
“Do you remember when Mom and Dad took us to that hidden waterfall that one time? Not Valentine Falls, the other one.” When she didn’t answer, I continued. “You didn’t know how to swim very well yet, so you stayed on the rocks, climbing over them like they were a jungle gym. Then out of nowhere that big-ass bird…what was it, a hawk? It swooped down close to you and scared you to death. I remember seeing it happen and watching as you lost your balance and hit your head on those rocks.”
Anna wiped off her hands and sat down beside me, still not looking my way.
“You scared me to death that day. Practically gave Mom and Dad a heart attack, too. You were out cold for a minute, and when you came to, we cut the day short.”
“What does that have to do with anything?” she said.
“Don’t you see? The same thing could’ve easily happened to you that happened to me. We both got knocked unconscious, but it wasn’t your fault that you fell any more than it was my fault that a truck ran a red light. What if you’d woken up and didn’t know who I was either?”
She stared straight ahead, but I could see her eyes welling.
“I would’ve moved mountains, sung bad karaoke, whipped out all the family photo albums until you were sick of looking at my face until you remembered who I was. Because you’re my sister, my banana, and I’m your brother. I will always love you. No matter what.”
A tear fell down her cheek, and she brushed it away.
“It would just take you a little longer to realize it, is all.”
“So you’re saying it’s my fault I haven’t tried hard enough?”
“No. God no. I just don’t want you to be scared of me. I want you to know that I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. But I won’t lie to you—I’m a little lost right now. I hate that there are things I can’t remember, and sometimes I can’t tell if the things that pop into my head are memories or dreams or if I’m hallucinating. So if you see me drifting off into space with a confused look on my face, I’m gonna need you to bring me back down to earth.”
“How do I do that?”
“I’m sure you’ll think of something.”