In another apartment, someone slams a door, the muted sound jarring in the quiet room.
“Who hurt you?” I ask, voice carefully controlled.
Rama’s silent for so long, I think he’s not going to answer. Then he blurts out the words as though they’ve been caught in his throat. “My aunt.”
Frowning, I wait for him to continue, but he’s fallen silent again. Lightly, I stroke his back with my fingers.
“You don’t have to talk about it,” I finally say. “Go to sleep. I’m not going anywhere.”
“I’ve missed you,” he murmurs.
“I’ve missed you, too.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX: Rama
Aunt Sunnee sits in Pete’s living room, back straight, eyes deep and probing, a pleased smile curling her mouth. It’s disturbing how much she reminds me of my father. But my father’s never hurt me. An odd, weightless feeling envelopes me, and I’m falling.
Suddenly, I’m lying on the bed in the guest room and Pete’s telling me I need to eat something, but I don’t want to. I hear the creak of the door and turn my head, expecting to see Pete leaving, but my aunt’s coming toward me instead. Her cold fingers touch my shoulder as she murmurs my childhood nickname, “Kwang.”
“Leave me alone!” I shout the words, but they come out a whimper.
Sunnee’s grip on me is like iron. No longer a small naive thirteen-year-old unaware of her intentions, I strike out at her.
“Rama, Rama, wake up!”
My struggle becomes frantic. Why is Pravat here? I don’t want him to see me so weak.
But eventually his words break through, and I realize I’m caught in one of my nightmares. Aunt Sunnee dissolves from the bed, and I heave a great sob as cold sweeps through my body.
“It’s okay.” Pulling me into his arms, Pravat gently rubs my back. “You were dreaming.”
“She came into my room,” I say. “She…she…” I can’t continue. Shaking my head, I bury my face against his neck, warm and fragrant from sleep. Gently rocking me, Pravat makes soft shushing sounds. “It’s all right. You don’t have to say it.”
I nod, squeezing my eyes shut, tears running down my face and wetting Pravat’s T-shirt.
I suddenly recall a day not long ago when I walked past Pete and Alex’s room. The door was ajar, and I caught a glimpse of them lying in bed in each other’s arms. Seeing them had given me a sad, hollow feeling. Until now, this level of intimacy has been an impossibility for me, and my relationships have suffered because of it. But with Pravat, I’m different. Even though I haven’t known him very long—even though he’s a man—I want to be near him.
Catching my breath, I curl my fingers into the soft cotton of his shirt. Despite being aroused, sex isn’t at the forefront of my mind. What I want from Pravat is indefinable to me at that moment.
Gently, I disentangle myself from his grip and lie on my back.
“I couldn’t concentrate,” I tell him shamefully. “They let me go from the internship because I couldn’t keep my mind on what I was doing.”
“You’re exhausted and need to rest. Don’t think of it as a failure on your part.”
“How can I not think of it that way?” I ask.
“This isn’t your fault. You never expected it to happen.” Pravat brushes away my tears with his thumb. The moonlight from the window plays with shadows across his face, emphasizing his high cheekbones and strong jawline.
Laughing humorlessly, I say, “I don’t even know what happened.”
“It sounds as though your aunt’s visit triggered you into facing something you buried a long time ago. You’re with me now, Rama. You can let it out.”
Relief and gratitude fill me, and I realize I really do want to talk about it with him.
“I never expected to see her. She lives in Utah, but she was traveling and stopped by Pete’s to say hello. I walked into the apartment, and there she was.”
Pravat gently squeezes my arm. “You’re okay now.”