Rama sighs and looks down at his hands.
“I had to leave the program.” He turns tortured eyes to me. “I-I can’t function anymore.”
I pull over and turn to him. Taking his hand, I look him in the eye and say firmly, “Everything’s going to be okay. Do you believe me?”
Rama stares back a long time before nodding.
I get back on the road and before long we reach my apartment, where Rama visibly relaxes. I watch as he wanders around, touching the furniture lightly before standing in front of the window and looking out at the river. He looks like someone who’s been through a shock.
Quickly, I throw together some rice and vegetables, wishing I had some meat to go with them.
“Eat all of it,” I tell Rama. He looks like he’s lost a good ten pounds since I last saw him.
Watching him methodically empty his bowl, I note how his normally expressive eyes are now dull and listless, and worry eats away at me.
When he finishes, he places his spoon on the table and buries his face in his hands. When his shoulders begin to shake with sobs, I leap from my chair and draw him into my arms.
“Everything’s going to be fine,” I promise him again, stroking his hair. It feels so good to hold him like this again.
“I’ve fucked everything up,” he repeats over and over, and then, “It’s her fault. It’s all her fault.” Suddenly he pulls back and looks angrily into my face. “Why couldn’t she just leave me alone?”
“Who?” I ask, brushing the hair from his eyes.
Expression closing, he looks away. “Nobody,” he murmurs, withdrawing from me. I ache with the loss but let him be. He’s obviously exhausted.
“Go take a shower and I’ll get you some clothes,” I tell him. I don’t bother with his suitcase. Perhaps I just want to dress him in my things.
Pulling a T-shirt and some soft lounge pants from my drawer, I take them to the bathroom. Behind the steamy glass door, I can barely make out Rama’s naked form standing listlessly under the spray.
“Isn’t that too hot?” I ask. When he doesn’t answer, I open the door and adjust the temperature. I’m not sure what to do, as he’s just standing there. Finally, I strip to my shorts and enter the stall with him. He doesn’t react at all when I lather my hands and begin washing his shoulders and back. I make short work of cleaning him, not stopping to think of how this is the first time I’ve touched his body all over. I’m too concerned to become aroused and wonder if I should call someone—Pete, or Rama’s father. But I don’t want to do it without Rama’s permission.
I help him dry off and get into the clothes I found for him. Then I peel off my wet shorts and wrap the towel around my waist.
When I look up, he’s staring at me.
“What?” I ask, but he only shakes his head and walks into the hall.
Leading him to my bed, I get him comfortable beneath the covers and pull on a fresh pair of shorts before climbing in beside him, catching my breath when he immediately snuggles into my arms, laying his cheek against my chest.
“I can hear your heart beating,” he says after a moment, and before I can think of a reply, he adds, “I like it.”
I run my fingers through his thick hair while he stares out the window at the lights on the river. He seems exhausted and I expect him to fall asleep, so I’m surprised when he eventually begins to talk.
“I should have known it would all catch up to me. I tried to bury it. Thought I’d succeeded. But as soon as I walked into that room andsaw her…everything came back like it was yesterday. And now I can’t get it out of my mind.”
He raises onto his elbow and looks fiercely into my face. “I wasn’t always like this—closed off, unapproachable. I liked being around people. I had a lot of friends.”
Cupping his cheek with my hand, I say, “You aren’t unapproachable.”
He huffs softly and lies back down, snuggling close to me. “Not to you. But you’re different.”
I want to know how it is I’m different, but this isn’t the time.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Turning his head, Rama buries his nose in my chest and inhales deeply before moving closer, draping one long leg over my midsection. It’s like he’s trying to crawl inside me, and the move awakens every protective instinct I have. Wrapping my arms tightly around him, I kiss the top of his head.
“She hurt me,” he whispers.