I wince, and Pete hurries to apologize. “I didn’t mean it that way. And it’s not like you failed. You were doing fine until—”
Not wanting to go there, I hold up my hand to stop him. “It’s okay. I’ll deal with my father.”
Pete turns off the water and wipes his hands with a towel while Alex turns on the dishwasher.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Pete asks.
“Yes. I’ll call Pah tonight and explain.”
I don’t know what I’m going to tell him.
“When will you return home?” Alex asks.
“As soon as possible. I’m sorry to be leaving you guys, but I think it’s for the best. I’m really looking forward to going home.”
We talk a while longer before heading to bed.
Pulling out my laptop, I book a flight for Bangkok that leaves the following evening. I don’t call my father. I’m not sure why—it isn’t as though I can hide what happened from him. Even if I wasn’t returning home early, he’d eventually hear about it. All I know is I can’t face my father’s disappointment right now. I can only deal with one thing at a time, and at the moment that’s packing my things for the long flight back to Thailand.
By the time I lie down to go to sleep, it’s very late, but despite the unfavorable circumstances, I’m excited to be headed home. I’ve missed Bangkok, and I want to see Pravat.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR: Rama
“Sir.”
A hand on my shoulder jolts me to consciousness, and I open my eyes to find the flight attendant hovering over me. She smiles gently. “You were having a bad dream.”
Straightening in my seat, I thank her when she hands me a bottle of water. The lights are low in the first-class compartment, and the other passengers are sleeping quietly.
The dreams have become more and more frequent, and they’re so real, I often wake up in a sweat, trembling from head to toe. I hoped it would all go away—the nightmares, the panic, the moments of disorientation—but they persist.
I remain awake the rest of the flight, afraid I’ll dream again and disturb my fellow passengers. I spend the time reading, and my eyesare sore and gritty when I finally pull my luggage from the carousel in baggage claim.
Suddenly remembering that Pravat had driven me to the airport, I dig out my phone to call a cab. As I wait outside, I’m suddenly hit with the stark reality that I’m headed home unannounced and will have to give an explanation to my father. He won’t be home this time of day, but my sister likely will, and I can’t face her questioning. Nothing about what I’m experiencing makes sense to anyone but me.
I wind up having the cab driver drop me off at a park where I sit on the grass staring out at the paddle boaters on the lake. My mind keeps throwing memories at me that I’ve suppressed for years, and I battle them as best I can. I don’t know how long I’ve been there when a grandmotherly voice breaks into my tortured thoughts.
“Are you all right, dear?” I turn to find an elderly woman holding onto a walker.
Belatedly, I greet her with a wai. “Yes, Grandmother. I’m all right.”
“I’ve been sitting on the bench over there watching my grandson play and noticed you’ve been sitting here a long time. And you’re crying.”
I run my fingertips under my eyes, surprised to find them wet. Pulling a bottle of water from the huge purse on the seat of her walker, she extends it to me, and when I reach out and take it from her, I’m alarmed to find my hand is shaking.
“Drink,” she tells me. “Perhaps you’ve gotten too much sun.”
Nodding, I open the bottle and chug half its contents without meaning to. I hadn’t realized I was so thirsty. A gentle breeze lifts my hair from my face, and slowly things become clearer.
“You seem a little out-of-it. Is there anything I can do to help you?” the woman asks.
I shake my head. “No, I just have a lot on my mind. Thank you, though.”
“Are you here alone? Maybe I can call someone for you. You’re getting a sunburn.” She points to my arms before being distracted by a small boy who runs up to her. I glance down at my reddening skin.
I look up at the little boy, who’s watching me with dark eyes, and smile before letting my gaze wander to the sparkling sunlight on the water.
The woman asks me something, but I’m having trouble concentrating on her words.