So, I continue to paint. Other than having dinner once a week with Kiet and his girlfriend, I don’t do much else. My manager calls to discuss my contract for season two and tells me he’s recently confirmed things with Rama. Just hearing Rama’s name sends a pang of longing through me.
“What’s with you two?” Kiet asks me one day after he showed up unexpectedly at my door with a bag of donuts, demanding coffee.
“What do you mean?”
“You have feelings for him.”
“He’s a friend,” I say, frowning as I flip on the coffee maker.
“I’ma friend. Rama’s something different.”
I sigh. “We’ve been through this.”
Kiet stares at me.
“Stop,” I say, not wanting to hear whatever it is he’s thinking.
With a small smile, Kiet leans back and regards me a little less intensely.
“You’re into him. I think you should tell him.”
“What?”
“Tell Rama you’re in love with him.”
I shake my head. “Kiet, no offense, but you have no idea what you’re saying. Look, I do have feelings for him. But he’s straight. Telling him that would only drive a wedge between us.” I sigh. “Just seeing him again will be enough.”
“You’re such a martyr. Well, if you aren’t going to pursue the man you want, then I guess you’re still on the market.”
“Of course I am,” I grumble, irritated.
“Great.” He grins. “I invited Somsak to eat with us this Saturday.”
I frown. “Somsak? Is he the guy from our economics class last semester?”
“You remember him! I thought you would. You once said he’s cute.”
I haven’t dated anyone in a long time, and I’m not exactly keen on doing it now, but saying no will only encourage Kiet’s ideas about Rama. Besides, I need to get my mind off him.
“Yeah, I remember. Okay, then. I guess I’ll see him Saturday.”
When Saturday rolls around, I take care with my appearance and give myself a pep talk about needing to get my mind off Rama before setting off to meet my friends.
Somsak’s a nice guy and exactly my type: compact, sweet, and bubbly. But my mind keeps wandering to a tall broody man whose ears get red when I lean in to whisper to him and whose raven hair feels like silk between my fingers. I try not to let it show, but I can tell by Kiet’s face that I’m falling short of the mark.
At the end of the night, when Somsak and I say our goodbyes, I don’t ask him to come in for a drink. How long am I going to allow my feelings for Rama to dictate my love life, I wonder as I take the elevator to my floor. Perhaps after the second season, when Rama and I are truly free to go our own ways, the tether will break.
On impulse, I text him.
You awake?
I’m in bed, on my side staring pensively out the window at the lights on the river when his reply finally comes.
I’m already at work. Are you in bed?
Resisting the urge to be a mother hen and calculate exactly how early it is in New York, I tap out,
Yeah. Have a good day.