“Sawasdee, Pah,” I say.
“Mee Noi, I’m glad I caught you.”
I didn’t even realize I was wound up with anxiety about going to the movies with P’Wisit until Pah’s deep voice immediately fills me with calm.
Suddenly emotional because I miss him and, evidently, he hasn’t been able to get me on the phone, I clear my throat. “I’m sorry, Pah-khap. I got your message the other day and I meant to call you back-khap. You’re right—I ‘ve been busy, but that’s no excuse-khap.”
“I know you have been, son. Take it easy. I’m not angry with you. Do you have a few minutes now to talk?”
Settling, I look at the clock by my bed. “I’m going to see a movie with a friend, but he won’t be here for twenty minutes orso. How are you? How are Mae and Ten? Nothing’s wrong, is there?” My stomach twists at the thought.
“Nothing’s wrong. They’re doing very well. We miss you and Sud a lot. I just wanted to talk to you about something, Mee Noi.” Pah sounds so serious, I immediately tense. I’m not sure why—he has never raised his voice to me or treated me with anything but loving kindness. “I want you to be honest with me. I know Sud can be very persuasive. It’s a little late for me to be asking, but did he push you into doing this series with him?”
“Sud asked me to do the video for his class. But he didn’t push me into it. As for the audition and series, I knew he needed me to partner with him to succeed, and I willingly offered.”
Pah grunts softly. “And are you uncomfortable? This is a big deal for someone who doesn’t like to put himself out there. Sud can’t relate.”
I rush to Sud’s defense. “Sud always thinks about me first. He gave me an out. He told me he could do it without me, but the truth is—it kind of surprised me how much I enjoyed doing the video with him. And then, after auditioning, it kind of solidified it for me. I wanted to try this. Actually, it’s kind of freeing to be able to be another person for a while. And—I think maybe it’s been good for me.”
Pah chuckles. “I know well the feeling of losing yourself in a role. Just be mindful not to let it go too far. Will you and Sud come to see us as soon as you have a break?”
“Yes, I promise.”
“We’ll hold you to that. If not, expect us to show up there in Bangkok,” he jokes. “Now, who is this friend you’re going out with tonight?”
“P’Wisit is in his third year in the medical faculty. He’s very well-liked at my university.”
“I’m glad you’re making friends. Although—Sud insinuated in our last conversation that you might be dating this boy. Is that true?”
My nerves reverberate like a plucked harp string.Why did Sud say that?
“Mee Noi?” Pah prompts.
“Er, I’m not dating P’Wisit, Pah. We’re just friends.”
“You know you can tell me if you are. Are you embarrassed because you’re going out with a boy? Because Mae and I don’t care about that. We just want you to be happy.”
Warmth fills me at the love they show me, and it’s a struggle not to cry.
“I’m not embarrassed, Pah. It’s just that I haven’t figured it out myself. If P’Wisit tells me he wants to be boyfriends, I’ll tell him I need time to think it over.”
“All right, then. That sounds reasonable, but then, you’ve always been a very reasonable boy, Mee Noi. I’m proud of you.”
Sniffling, I choke out, “I love you, Pah.”
“I love you, too, son. Work hard but be sure to rest, all right? And call me if there’s anything you need.”
“I will. Oh…and Pah?” I clear my throat. “Have you, um, spoken to my parents recently?”
“No. I haven’t heard from Somchai and Supaporn in a while,” Pah says quietly.
I’m not surprised. I really don’t know why I asked.
After we disconnect, I sit thinking about my birth parents. I’m more positive than ever that I don’t want them paying my way. I want to do it myself. I have to make that happen.
“They don’t care about me,” I say aloud. “They didn’t even care if I got turned out of my dorm and didn’t have anywhere to go.”
Sud would never let that happen.