As we sat together on the couch, Auggie carefully applied the medical ointment to the scars on my arms and shoulders. That was where the burns had been the worst, and so the skin required the most tending as it healed. The bandages were no longer required, and soon, I wouldn’t need the ointment, either. I should have been happy that my recovery was going so well, but as Auggie’s hands ran over my skin, I found that I would miss the excuse for him to take care of me.
Just as we finished, Auggie’s phone vibrated. He quickly wiped off his hands to answer it, reading through the message with a complicated look on his face. Whatever he read didn’t seem to make him happy, but he also didn’t seem to be upset, either. The only way I could describe the expression in his eyes wasconflicted.
Normally, I would have left it alone and not pried into Auggie’s private business, but my skin already missed the touch of his hands despite the cool tingle of the ointment that still lingered. So, I scooted a little closer on the couch until our legs were almost close enough to brush against each other.
“Is there a problem?” I asked, nodding toward his phone while trying not to snoop and read the message on his screen.
Auggie didn’t startle, the man never seemed to get surprised by anything, but he did quickly store his phone away where I couldn’t see it.
“No, that was just Roland updating me on… on a case from work.”
The slight hesitation in his voice was the only indication that something was wrong. His cases were probably confidential, and I could understand if he didn’t want to tell me about them, but he’d never hesitated to simply say that in the past. The way that he hesitated in the middle of his sentence made it seem like he suddenly changed what he was going to say at the last second to hide something from me.
Well, I couldn’t really get mad at him for that. It would make me a hypocrite. After all, I was keeping plenty from him.
I didn’t want to think about that. I didn’t want to think about anything at all. Everything was always so complicated, and I was sick of second guessing myself—sometimes even third and fourth guessing myself—before I did anything.
All my life, everything I did ended up causing me pain anyway, so what was the point of being so cautious?
Auggie was distracted, talking about how his coworker, Roland, was moping around the precinct now that the man’s partner had returned home to another state across the country. I vaguely remembered Auggie telling me something about his coworker’s long-distance relationship, but right now, I really didn’t care. While he was busy talking, I moved up onto my knees to be closer to his height and gripped his wrist.
There was a brief moment where I saw his eyes go wide as he realized something was happening, but then, I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his.
Maybe that was the wrong way to go about it. In hindsight, I probably should have talked to him before acting, but words never seemed to work well for me. I either ended up saying the wrong thing, or my cowardice took over and I said nothing atall. A kiss couldn’t be as easily misinterpreted as words, and it happened so fast that there was no time for fear to take over.
Unfortunately, as my mouth collided with his, I remembered one very crucial fact. I’d never actually kissed anyone before. In the past, I’d had sex, but that had mostly been under coercion and hadn’t been particularly pleasant. It had been a transactional act, and kissing had never been a part of it. There had been a time I’d been forced to kiss a woman, but that had been performative. We did what we had to do to get the camp staff to leave us alone, and neither of us had been concerned about enjoying the exchange. So, that didn’t feel like it counted as a real kiss.
That moment there with Auggie was my first true kiss, and I had no idea what to do. I’d seen people in movies kiss, but they always just put their mouths together and then the background music swelled up to indicate that it was a romantic scene. Now, there was no background music, and no script to follow. I was just somehow supposed to know what to do.
Once again, Auggie took care of me like he always did. His hands settled on my hips, but when he sensed my hesitation, he didn’t try to pull me away. Rather, he instinctively understood what I needed him to do and took over the kiss for me. His lips moved against mine, and it was much easier to follow what he wanted than to figure it out on my own.
The kiss started out gentle, barely more than a collection of little pecks. Then, after I was comfortable with that and reciprocating, he gently nibbled at my bottom lip. It had never occurred to me that teeth could be used during a kiss. Teeth seemed like something sharp that would cause pain to such sensitive skin, but the tiny little bites sent a pleasant chill racing up my spine that made me gasp.
When my mouth opened, something new pushed forward. The sensation was odd, but not unpleasant, and it took me a moment to realize that it was his tongue. My hands trembled where I held his shoulders, but I didn’t push him away as the kiss turned into something I couldn’t have imagined. He licked inside my mouth, his tongue invasive and intimate as he encouraged me to participate as well. I felt clumsy and awkward as I tried to copy his movement, but something about the slick slide made my whole body burn so hot I almost feared I was trapped in the fire once again.
As we kissed, one of Auggie’s hands left my waist to slide up my leg. I was wearing a shorter casual dress, and his hand easily slipped under the hem to land on the bare skin of my thigh. I jerked at the sudden contact, simultaneously trying to avoid the touch and press closer to it at the same time. The awkward movement caused me to accidentally shove against Auggie’s chest, and before I knew it, we were falling backward on the couch.
Auggie landed on his back, keeping me embraced against his chest so I wouldn’t go rolling off onto the floor. He was a sturdy man and didn’t make for the softest cushion, so landing on top of him left me breathless for a moment. I lay there, sprawled out on top of him, listening to our mingled breaths as we both panted for air.
“Not that I mind this sudden development,” Auggie said after a moment. “But what brought this on?” He smiled at me, clearly not upset by anything I’d done. One of his hands cradled the back of my head, careful not to dislodge my wig, while his other hand rested casually on my hip.
I couldn’t tell him that his ex-wife had encouraged me to take action. That would sound too much like I’d been coerced intokissing him. However, I didn’t have a better answer prepared. Burying my face against his broad chest, I mumbled directly into his shirt.
“I just… wanted to.”
“You just wanted to?” he repeated.
Face burning in embarrassment, I nodded. From my position on top of him, my whole body rose and fell with his sigh.
“I’m glad you wanted to,” he said, running a hand through the long hair that felt so much like my own I often forgot it was fake. “However, before we go any further, there’s something I need to tell you first.”
His hands on me gripped a little harder for a moment, like he wanted to pull me closer, but then they let go.
“I’ve… been keeping something from you.”
CHAPTER 27
Auggie