How had I ended up here?
So much of my past was a complete blank, or, at best, a jumbled mess. I couldn’t even evaluate where I’d gone wrong, because I didn’t remember the path I’d taken to get here. For all I knew, I’d done everything right, and still ended up in this situation, relying on the goodwill of someone I barely knew just for the right to sleep in a real bed.
I trailed my hand along the bed’s comforter, feeling the decorative edges of white and purple lace. Auggie’s daughter was probably the little girl I’d first seen when I woke up. My memory of her was blurry around the edges, but otherwise solid. I was certain she was real. This was her room, and now I’d stolen it. I hadn’t even asked Auggie where his daughter was staying if I was using her room, though I trusted that the man wouldn’t just kick out such a young child.
I would have to apologize to her if I ever saw her again. I was not only stealing her room, but also her father’s attention. He should have been devoting his time to his child, but instead, he was here taking care of me.
Hopefully, she wouldn’t be too mad at me. I wasn’t sure why, I’d barely even seen the girl, but I really hated the thought of upsetting her.
The farther my thoughts drifted, the heavier my eyes felt until I could no longer keep them open. Despite my best efforts, I inevitably fell asleep and slipped off once again into dreams while lying among the comfortable sheets I’d stolen from a child.
I awokewith a start with a name halfway formed on my lips. While I’d been asleep, afternoon had turned into night, and theroom around me was dark. A streetlight outside the window cast just enough illumination to turn the friendly shapes of a child’s bedroom into the shadows of monsters, and I trembled under the sheets.
While I’d dreamed, a memory had returned to me in bright and vivid color, as if it had happened only yesterday. Just a few hours ago, I’d been desperate for more memories, but now that one had returned, I wanted it gone.
I finally remembered the context behind the name Tony Smith.
The man had been a cop, and he’d used his authority along with my drug addiction, which he’d made much worse with his encouragement and pushing the harder stuff on me, to make me do things that I didn’t want to think about. Getting away from him was the reason I’d fled the place I was living before and come to Baton Rouge in the first place.
I still didn’t remember where I’d been before, but I remembered the fear that drove me onto a one-way bus trip in the middle of the night.
With such a memory floating around in my head, I couldn’t sit still. I needed to run. To flee the dangers that were chasing me.
I got as far as the room beyond the bedroom doorway before I was brought to a halt.
Auggie sat on the living room couch with his back to me, slightly hunched over as he talked quietly into his phone.
“Yeah, I know it’s a sudden change. Tell Melody I’m sorry about this.” He paused for a moment, running a hand over his hair as he listened to the person on the other end.
“What? She wants to come see him? Well, she was there when he woke up, so, I guess… huh? Of course it’s safe. How do I know? Well, it’s just… Yeah, I know he’s a stranger, but… Look, Chantal. I had to do something.”
Whatever the other person on the phone said made him laugh, though it wasn’t a happy sound.
“Yeah, this is just like me. Look, I promise everything is going to be okay, and maybe we can set up a time for Melody to come over.”
It was then that he seemed to notice me standing in the doorway. He suddenly straightened up from his hunched position, and flashed me a sheepish smile while signaling for me to wait a moment.
“I’ve got to go,” he said hurriedly into the phone. “Can we settle this more later? Okay? Okay. Thanks. Bye.” Then, he tossed the phone onto the table by the couch, and suddenly, I had his full attention. “Mia, you okay? I didn’t wake you up, did I?”
I shook my head.
At first, I meant to tell him about the memory I’d regained. We’d been trying for so long to reclaim my lost past, and maybe this one would be the key to figuring out my identity.
Yet, when I tried to speak, my teeth stayed firmly locked together.
What would he do if he knew what I’d done to fuel my past drug addiction?
No matter how I tried to explain it, the bitter truth was that I’d sold myself, and it hadn’t even been for survival. The drugsweren’t necessary for me to live, like food or shelter. No, it had simply been to make my life a little more comfortable.
I’d sold myself for the sake of comfort, and because of it, I’d been forced to flee in the dead of night like a criminal.
I couldn’t tell him. He’d be disgusted. It was already a miracle that the sight of my ruined skin didn’t disgust him. That truth would be too much.
So, I lied and claimed I’d just had a nightmare.
Auggie invited me to sit on the couch with him and watch some late-night television while I calmed down, and I couldn’t resist tucking myself against his arm. He was warm and comfortable, like a human-sized hot water bottle, and instantly chased away my anxiety.
As reruns of old eighties shows played on the television, I gradually drifted off to sleep against his shoulder knowing that I would be safe when I woke up.