So, Auggie’s apartment looked nice, as far as I could tell. It was clean, and more spacious than my hospital room had been, which was a relief. There were two bedrooms, so Auggie would have a chance to get away from me and not have to look at me constantly. That meant I might have more time before he got tired of me.
“Here, sit down,” Auggie said as he guided me toward the couch in the middle of the main room. “That was a longer walk that you’re used to, so you must be tired. Do you need anything to drink?”
While still looking around the apartment, I shook my head. He was right. Despite the help of the elevator, walking from the car up to the apartment was still a lot more exertion than I’d done since waking up, and my legs felt the strain. My lungs felt tight in my chest with each breath and my throat was dry, but I feared if I tried to drink anything, I’d end up choking.
So, I sat quietly on the couch, keeping my hands clenched in my lap as I tried to take up as little space as possible.
A moment later, the cushion dipped as Auggie sat next to me.
“Here. We need to change some of your bandages, and then you can take a nap.” He held a roll of gauze, gripping the thin cloth with such competency, like there was no hesitation in his offer.
I wanted to say no. Letting Auggie get an up-close look at the remains of my wounds seemed like courting disaster, but the nurses had impressed upon me the need to take care of myself, and I couldn’t reach all my wounds myself. I needed the help whether I wanted it or not, so I had no choice but to accept.
I was allowed to take off my shirt on my own, but then Auggie took over the more difficult task of unwrapping my oldbandages. Calling the remains of my burns “wounds” seemed incorrect. The damaged skin had closed over with scars, and the skin grafts had already been applied to the flesh that couldn’t heal itself. However, the delicate skin felt so raw and sensitive, I also couldn’t call it “healed”.
Once all the bandages were removed, the ruined skin on my arms and torso was exposed to the cool air. The worst was on my arms and back. The scars there were so thick that my skin looked more like ocean waves and knotted rope than human flesh. Some spots, like the backs of my hands, were completely numb. I’d been told that the nerve damage was so bad, I’d probably never regain feeling in those areas. I didn’t mind. Numb was better than pain. Even worse were the overly sensitive areas. As if a bit of fire had been trapped inside my flesh when it healed, every time I moved these areas prickled and burned.
The nurses had all claimed that the overly sensitive nerves would probably calm down eventually, but I knew better. Nerve damage was nerve damage.
If the numbness was permanent, then why would the pain be any different?
Auggie’s hands were large, and appeared rough, but they were surprisingly gentle and dexterous as he held my arm. As if he knew exactly which areas of my skin were overly sensitive, he applied an ointment to my scars with such a delicate touch that I barely felt it. Then, just as carefully, a new set of bandages were applied. The most sensitive of my scars were once again sealed away from the air, and I was able to relax.
Well, as much as I was ever able to relax, which was not much.
“There,” Auggie declared when the last bandage was secured. “All done. Now, you’re starting to look dead on your feet, so a nap is probably in order.”
I couldn’t argue. Looks-wise, there was no real difference. I’d probably looked dead even before I woke up. However, I really was tired. Auggie brought me over to the guest room, but in the doorway we stopped.
“Sorry about this,” Auggie said as he turned on the light. “I originally set up this room for my daughter, so I hope you don’t mind the decorations.”
What met my eyes was clearly the room of a young girl, with purple painted walls, a frilly bedspread, and many toys and stuffed animals. It was a pastel nest of softness and love that had clearly been made with care.
“It’s fine,” I said as I sat down on the edge of the bed. “I like it. It’s very… colorful.”
My words probably sounded sarcastic, but oddly enough, I found that I meant them. Although the room had clearly not been designed for someone like me, I found it pleasant anyway.
Almost… comfortable.
“All right, if you’re sure,” Auggie said. “I’ll just be in the other room. Come get me if you need anything.” Then, he turned away to leave.
“Auggie,” I called out before he disappeared through the door.
He stopped. “Hmm?”
I opened my mouth, desperately wanting to ask him why he was going so far to help me. We were nothing to each other.Technically speaking, we’d only met two weeks ago. Surely, no one could be so selfless as to open their home and devote their time to taking care of a relative stranger just because the person needed help. So, that meant Auggie wanted something from me, but I was terrified to ask. If it was something I could easily provide, then I’d do it, but what if it was something difficult?
What if he turned out to be just another person to cause me pain?
So, I held back my questions, locking them behind my teeth like little criminals that should never see the light of day. Instead, all I said was, “Thanks for helping me.”
If Auggie noticed my hesitation before I spoke, he didn’t say anything. All he did was smile at me with a seemingly genuine expression.
“You’re welcome. But honestly, it’s the least I can do. Now, you should get some sleep. Let me know if you need anything.”
Then, I was left alone in the room that was not meant for me, sitting on the edge of someone else’s bed. Luckily, despite being meant for a child, the bed was at least full-sized, so I wasn’t cramped as I reclined back on the mattress and slid the covers over me.
The bedding had just been washed, and carried the heavy perfume of detergent. My whole body seemed to sigh in relief as I finally lay among sheets that hadn’t been bleached a hundred times like the hospital linens had been. These sheets were crisp and cool, but also very soft. If I closed my eyes, I would probably fall asleep instantly, but instead, I stared up at the ceiling to keep myself awake.