I picked a table near the window and sat down. We looked at each other for a moment, taking in the changes.
He’d filled out, losing the gaunt look he had. His eyes at least carried life, unlike the last time I’d seen them. I’d seen them dull before the paramedics swooped in and brought him back from the brink.
“Can I get you anything other than water, sir?” A barman stood next to the table, a jug of water and two glasses balanced on a tray.
“No, that’s fine, thank you.”
“So…”
“So…”
We always seemed to do that, but that was a lifetime ago, before he decided to kill himself and leave me to pick up the pieces.
“Go on,” he said. “You go first.”
“You wanted to meet. I presumed you had something to say.” I wasn’t going to tell him everything that was on my mind just yet, wanting to hear what he had to say first, but I was pissed.
“I, erm.” He paused and pulled off his gloves. “I should apologise.”
“Damn right you should.” I hadn’t meant to get aggressive, but for three years, I’d gone on with my life not knowing if he was alive or dead. He’d disappeared off the face of the earth, telling no one where he’d gone. He might as well have died.
“I’m sorry. This was a mistake.” He stood up to leave.
“You’ll sit and tell me exactly what happened. Why, Harvey? Why did you do it? I fucking found you dying on the floor.”
“I know, and I didn’t mean for that to happen.”
“Then what did you mean? Because it sure looked like you were trying to kill yourself.” I stood, knocking over the chair, and ran my hands through my hair as I stood by the window. I couldn’t look at him yet.
Old feelings threatened to surface, the ones that had sent me to the bottom of a bottle, ones where he didn’t survive. I refused to let that happen again.
“I did,” he said quietly, “but it had nothing to do with you or us. It was just… too much all at once. It’s difficult to explain.”
I shook my head. Why did I think I’d get any answers today? I should have known better.
“Just sit, Harvey. Emotions are high for us both right now. But let’s start with an easy one. Where the fuck have you been for the past three years? I thought you were dead.”
“Would you believe I was in Ireland for one of them?”
Of course he would be.
“Julie knew of a retreat where I could recuperate. Over on the west coast, just outside of Galway.”
I chuckled dryly. “I can’t tell you what a coincidence that is.”
“What do you mean?” He frowned, not understanding.
“My surname, McDonagh. Before moving to Dublin, my family was from Galway. It’s where I was born.”
He sat down with a bump. “I thought you were born in Dublin?”
“No, we moved there when I was a few months old. You probably met some of the family without even knowing it.”
“Are you in touch with your family now?”
“We’re talking about you first. We’ll get onto what I’ve been doing in a while if we have time.”
“Well, I know you made it to the big time.”