Chapter 14
Killian
Isnuck out of the house in the early hours of the morning. Thankfully, the weather had cleared up, and I ran to the station to grab the first train. I got home just in time to get my stuff ready, but my lift arrived.
“Yo, Killian.” My friend pushed the passenger door open, and I climbed in.
“Hi. Almost didn’t make it today.”
“You look fucking knackered, mate. I bet you were up all night. I’ve heard your reputation.”
I had been up all night, but not for the reasons he was thinking. I’d lain awake in the bed in Harvey’s house, listening for any sound that he might be up and about.
Fuck, I’d been worried. I stood and wanked in front of him, telling him to watch me, knowing the fucking trauma he’d been through.
He’d seemed as into it as I was, but who knew where his head would go? Did he regret it? Had it sent him spiralling out of control?
I’d fallen asleep a little after five, only to wake again at six-thirty, knowing then I’d get no more sleep. I slipped on my clothes, wrote him a quick note, and made my getaway.
Thinking back, I should have written something more in the note. Told him what a good time I’d had last night because I had really enjoyed myself. It had been a long time since I’d relived the past, but with Harvey, it had all seemed so easy. He’d listened, shown concern, and actually heard my story. Even Seth didn’t know all of it, and I’d known him for years. Talking to Harvey, I relaxed, and then, of course,thathappened.
What the fuck was I thinking? But in my defence, the look on his face when he saw me standing in my boxers made my dick take note straight away.
I’d not wanked or fucked anyone since Ash last week, and the attention of any man would have got me hard. But this was Harvey. A man I found very attractive.
It wasn’t my fucking fault that I couldn’t control my dick. It had a mind of its own.
Then he told me he was in control, and that was it. I’d gone for it. He’d watched me with interest, and I’d put on a show for him, loving the attention.
I saw him fumbling in his trousers and knew he was as turned on as me. Concern about what this could do to him mentally left me as my orgasm neared.
I’d come with such force that my knees gave way. I’d tried to catch as much as I could in my hand, but some had spilt onto the floor. I cleaned that up after he’d gone to his bedroom and closed the door. I’d agonised all night over whether I’d brought him to the brink, that I’d wake in the morning to find he’d cut himself.
It wasn’t like he’d tell me. I knew from others that they rarely said anything, preferring to keep it to themselves, feeling shame and humiliation. I knew it had taken a lot for Harvey to show me the scars on his arms. There were a lot, and I was sure there’d be many more.
Finally, I remembered the question. I’d been so lost in my mind that I’d forgotten what he’d asked.
“Fuck off. I wasn’t with anyone last night. I just didn’t sleep well.”
“Hmm, the great Killian spending a night alone. Gotta be a record.”
“Hey, just because you shag anything that walks past you doesn’t mean I do.”
I was about to say I had standards, but the past God knows how many years had shown I had very little. But last week, I’d vowed to do something about it, and that was why I hadn’t picked up anyone other than Ash.
Last night with Harvey had been a breath of fresh air, so why did I feel so fucking awful?
A knot of something unpleasant sat in my gut, and it had nothing to do with the amount of food I’d eaten last night.
“Whoa, chill, dude. Someone got out of bed the wrong side this morning.”
My mood wasn’t great, and for the rest of the journey, I stayed silent. Will, my friend, sensed my mood and said nothing more until we got closer to the venue.
“What’re you singing today? Me and the guys will back you up.”
Good question. You’d think I’d have been more prepared, but I didn’t have a clue. I could singBreakevenagain, but I’d begun to think of it as Harvey’s song, especially after seeing his tattoo.
“Do you knowMore Than Words?”