“There are a few women from the clan who have decided I am too old to function on my own. They fuss over me and coddle me. They have even tried to encourage their bondmates to step in when it's my turn to attend to a physical task. I hate it. I am not that old, and I do not like coddling. I am still capable of doing things on my own.”
“I don’t doubt that,” I breathed, hands moving down his arm without conscious thought. It was wrong to fawn over him, he’d been clear about his preferences, but I’d admit I’d never gotten this close to a man before. It was a heady thing, being able to touch someone as gorgeous as him.
Orthorr’s face turned to look at me over his shoulder, and I froze, my cheeks burning as I stared back at him. My heart thundered in my ears, and when I licked my lips nervously, Orthorr’s gaze dropped to my mouth, and I felt dizzy with the possibilities. Would he kiss me? No. He wasn’t attracted to males. Right? I never did ask specifically. He said he was bonded to a woman, and I assumed. Did I assume wrong? What would I even do with that information? I’d never kissed anyone in my life. What if I did it wrong?
“Ravsol…”
My eyes had drifted to Orthorr’s mouth as he spoke, watching him form the foreign word like a prayer. I didn’t know what it meant, but the way he spoke said he wasn’t angry with me. He seemed almost breathless. Or maybe that was just me.
“I… I’ve never been kissed before.”
The admission escaped me before I’d made the decision to say it out loud. Horror slammed into me when I realized I hadn’t just said it in my head. Whipping my gaze to Orthorr’s, I jerkedmy hands away and tried to scramble back, so embarrassed, I thought about running away to hide from my shame.
Orthorr caught my arm before I could, his expression pained. “I’m sorry, Cedric. I had a bondmate before. I will not take another. I cannot give you what you seek.”
“It’s fine,” I squeaked, wriggling free of his hold and pushing to my feet. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have– I’m going to go. Have a nice evening.”
Without looking back, I ran, heading for the tent I shared with the other townspeople who’d arrived when I did, a temporary place for us while we decided where we wanted to go next. I went straight for the pallet of blankets that was my bed and crawled into them, pulling the blankets over my head to hide.
I couldn’t believe I did that. I’d never been so forward in my life. Only two weeks before, I was living my life in secret and never had any close calls that would have drawn anyone’s attention to my affliction. For some reason, after only a short time with the clan, all my caution was tossed out the window, and I was throwing myself at the first barbarian who smiled in my direction. The embarrassment felt as if it’d eat me alive. What the hell had I been thinking?
CHAPTER SIX
ORTHORR
Cedric was avoiding me. I couldn’t decide if that was a good thing or not. He had begun to feel like a friend, and I appreciated his help with the paperwork I received from the castle, but… The look on his face, eyes heavy lidded and cheeks bright red, when he admitted he had never been kissed—I couldn’t get it out of my head. The breathless words repeated constantly, and I found my eyes tracking him when we crossed paths in the village center or passed each other between his lessons. I almost regretted the words I spoke to him. He’d been embarrassed with his confession. Telling him he had no chance with me felt cruel, even if it was true. And a small, selfish part of me wished I could have given him what he asked for.
The situation brought my mood down, and I found myself grumbling as I headed to Clan Urthazrak’s receiving tent, where the clan leader meetings were held. Tavik and Saneth followed me as guards, despite my reassurance that I could make the short journey alone. Our clans were settled beside each other. A toddler could make the journey on their own.
Their insistence didn’t help my mood, and when I finally stalked into the receiving tent, I had to take a few moments to breathe to steady myself before sitting in the circle of clan leaders gathering for the meeting. Bren sat next to me, a friendly smile on his face as he patted my shoulder.
“Orthorr, my brother. Please tell me we will not be here all night. The last meeting gave me a headache.”
For a moment, I was distracted from my foul mood, enjoying the distaste on his face. It was not my fault the last meeting took so long. We didn’t have an expert to explain it to us like we did this time.
The reminder of who that expert was and how awkward things were between us now had the momentary lift in my mood plummeting again. I shook my head, setting the box of paperwork on the table in front of me with a scowl. “No. It will not take long. One of the townspeople who arrived recently worked in his town’s government. He has gone over the forms with me so I better understand them.”
Bren’s eyebrows lifted slowly. “That’s… good, right? Why do you look so cross about it?”
“I am not cross,” I argued, still glaring at the box. It was supposed to make my life easier, but it had become a reminder of the sweet man who helped me. The one who couldn’t look me in the eye anymore because I was cruel with his feelings. Just like I was cruel with Tessa’s feelings by having momentary interests for another. I dishonored her for even thinking of Cedric that way.
Before Bren could pester me to explain, the last of the clan leaders arrived, and I drew the attention of the group to me. “Good evening, gentlemen. Thank you for coming. We’ve received more paperwork from King Zohaib I wish to share with you. And I have updates on the journey to the towns.”
The leaders knew of Uttin’s need for assistance, we’d discussed it before he left again, but we’d sent brothers from Clan Velgraz with each company, which was known for its messenger birds who went undetected by the towns during their journeys. Thanks to that, we received more frequent updates on the journey’s development and any requests for aid they might need.
As I went over each new document we received, Cedric’s soft tones filtered through my mind, the simple way he explained things to me without coddling me or treating me as though I were incapable of understanding. He was patient, answered questions with an eagerness I’d admired, and always spoke with his hands, even while going over complicated government documents. It was an endearing quality–
“Should we consider a council?” Naunn, leader of the Helleik clan, asked thoughtfully. “I thought it wasn’t feasible with our constant movements, but if we will receive documents like this often…”
Bren shook his head. “I don’t believe this will be a regular occurrence. We are allies, not subjects of their kingdom. This is merely a formality to ensure the alliance is fair for all.”
I nodded my head in agreement. “Bren is right. I’ve had an expert look at these documents. He told me he has never seen such a fair agreement before. They are covering what is necessary, and anything else will go to Uttin, who will send runners to the rest of the clan leaders if more decisions need to be made.”
Idrull, clean leader for the Velgraz Clan, cleared his throat before speaking. “Perhaps it might be best to involve my clan in such matters. We can send our talvok to each clan with messages and have the replies back much faster than a runner can.”
The rest of the clan leaders agreed with silent nods, and we moved on to how the Velgraz Clan would teach their birds to findspecific clans. One would be trained to follow Uttin’s orders and stay with our clan, so he could send messages when needed, and a member of the Velgraz Clan would visit a few times a year to ensure the bird is well trained and able to do its job properly. It would mean working closer with Idrull, but he was a good man, a good clan leader, and I believed he would get along well with Uttin. He was only a few years younger than I was, but it was his idea to train their birds to send messages. Before, they had only been companions like our stallions were to us. That he was open to change would interest Uttin greatly.
The meeting wrapped up with fewer headaches and grumbling, and a few clan leaders stopped to speak with me about the ease of the meeting, wanting to meet the expert who’d made sense of the government paperwork we struggled with. I forced myself to smile and nod, agreeing to bring Cedric to the next meeting so they could meet him themselves. I didn’t want to admit even to myself how much that idea bothered me. Some clan leaders were unattached, and I knew a few had no preference in gender. I didn’t want them stealing Cedric away.