Elijah’s smile was sad when he replied, “You can. When you’re ready. You’re the strongest person I know. You don’t haveto face it all now, you deserve time to process, but eventually, you can.”
He huffed, the laugh hollow and lifeless as he pointed out, “You’re starting to sound a lot like Dad.”
“Rude,” Elijah shot back, though his smile said he wasn’t actually offended. He put his hand on top of Wash’s on his wrist, squeezing gently. “Take your time. And when you’re ready, come find me.”
It tooktwo days for Wash to work up the courage to see his brother. Two painful days where he battled old hurts and his instincts to seek out the one person he knew would make him feel better. He missed Peri so much, he even seemed to have created his own sigil on a small spot on his wrist. A little shimmery blue flower blossom that made him ache for Peri every time he looked at it. At first he was angry with himself for doing it, he was only making it harder on himself, but he’d taken to stroking his thumb over it while he tried to get his head on straight. It was the only thing that made him feel even a little warmer.
That realization, that Peri was the only thing he wanted, was what drove him to his brother’s office. He teleported by habit to the research floor and took a long look at the doorway to the main floor before deciding against heading inside. He didn't want to face his coworkers and their questions about his absence right now. He just needed to see Elijah.
Teleporting again, he arrived inside Elijah’s office without a sound, making Elijah jump when he cleared his throat to get his attention.
“Goddess, Wash! You startled me!” His gaze went distant for a moment, and he shook his head. “No, Alistair. I’m fine. Wash is here.”
Alistair poked his head in from where he must have been sitting outside Elijah’s office, his eyes narrowed. He took in Wash’s disheveled appearance and seemed to choose not to complain about the abrupt entrance, instead asking, “Door closed or open?”
“Closed, please,” Elijah answered with a smile. “Thank you, love.”
Alistair closed the door, and Wash felt his stomach twist uncomfortably. He glanced at his brother, whose steady patience never wavered.
“Want to sit on the couch? Or would you prefer to stand?”
Rolling his eyes, he stomped over to the couch and sat heavily, then sighed. He couldn’t muster his normal aloofness, or even his fury anymore. He was just… cold.
Elijah sat beside him, and to Wash’s surprise, he pulled the throw off the back of the couch and draped it over Wash’s lap. When Wash looked at him incredulously, Elijah shrugged. “I can read strong emotions, even when I’m not trying to. You still have amazing shields, but with this much emotional upheaval, something's bound to slip out.”
“What did you get?” he demanded, then winced. That sounded accusing and he hadn’t meant it like that. He promised himself he wouldn’t take his mood out on his brother who was only trying to help. “Sorry.”
“I understand,” Elijah replied graciously. “And it wasn’t so much a thought or emotion. Just a feeling of cold. I thought the blanket might help.”
“I don’t think anything will help right now.”
“You never know until you try.”
Thirty-Four
Letting out a slow breath, Wash forced himself to lower his mental shields. He’d come here for a reason. He needed to know the truth. If Peri was sincere, he wanted to know. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could stay away, and he didn’t want to always have to wonder if Peri meant it or not.
His thumb trailed over the sigil automatically, soothing some of the ache in his chest. It helped him stay calm as he felt the brush of Elijah’s magic, wrapping around him like a warm hug. Not as warm as he felt when Peri smiled at him, but warm enough that he no longer felt like he was going to shatter.
The image of Peri swam into his mind, but it wasn’t his memory. It was Elijah’s. He could see them both, see how Wash pathetically pined over the little fairy, following him around like a grumpy shadow.
Something like a flick on his mind made him flinch, and his eyes whipped open to glare at Elijah. “What the hell?”
“You’re not pathetic. And you’re not paying attention. Stop looking at your response to him. Look at him.”
After one last suspicious look at his brother, he closed his eyes again, focusing on the memory Elijah offered. He took inPeri and his unwavering smile, the way he wrinkled his nose when he was being cheeky and his eyes danced when he laughed.
“He keeps looking back at you. Tracking you.”
“Because he wants to make sure I’m not working like he and Taron want,” Wash interjected. He could practically feel Elijah resisting the urge to flick him again, and his mouth twitched against a smile. It’d been a long time since he’d even thought of playing with his brother.
“No, Wash. He’s tracking you because he likes you near him. Look at his eyes. There’s no calculation, no hint of him being critical of your behavior. He looks at you like he loves you. Like he wants to make sure you’re happy because you make him happy in return.”
The smallest flicker of hope, weak and wavering, lit in his chest, but he tamped it down. It wasn’t enough. Elijah was only seeing what he wanted to see. He–
Image after image of Peri flashed through his head, all from Elijah’s perspective. When he’d jumped onto Wash’s back, clinging to him while he argued with whoever had pissed Wash off. He’d missed Peri breathing him in, closing his eyes with a small smile before Wash told him he could get down again. When he brought out his pastries for everyone to try during the retreat. He’d missed the way Peri watched him, waiting for his hum of approval before he breathed a sigh of relief and smiled that sunshine smile. And during the relay, when Wash was busy racing, he’d missed how worried Peri had been and how proud he looked when Wash got so far ahead.
“He loves you, Wash. You just didn’t see it for what it was.” The images faded, and when Wash opened his eyes, Elijah gave him an empathetic smile. “Sometimes it's hard to see the truth when we’re that close to it. But I promise, whatever reason Peri had for agreeing to help Taron, it only came from a place of love.”