We went outside and meandered through one of the gardens with hedges and bowers. Ronan wasn’t pressing me for details yet, but I only had a short time until we reached some hidden corner. My mind whirred, snatching at any plausible reason I might need to speak privately with Ronan. Could Lady Edith have required some sort of magical help? Something too discreet to ask for in public? No. If she had, she’d have sent the message, not me. And besides, Ronan might insist on speaking with her before I had a chance to explain the situation to her.
The reason for the meeting had to lay squarely with me. But I could think of no clandestine magical favors I might ask of a high-ranking wizard, especially after the cold reception I’d given him when he’d spoken to me during my reconnaissance.
We reached a bench tucked under a bower by the boxwood hedges. Ronan held out his hand, gesturing for me to sit. Once I’d settled myself, he sat beside me and turned so his kneestouched mine. “I’m at your service, my lady. What did you wish to discuss?”
I shifted uncomfortably on the bench. “I wanted to…well…” I could think of only one believable reason for the letter. “I wanted to apologize for the unkind reception I gave you when we first met in the garden. I shouldn’t have said such unpleasant things to you.”
His eyebrows lifted, but I couldn’t tell whether he was perplexed or amused by my explanation. “You wanted to apologize for things you said two nights ago?”
“Yes…” My head lowered in a contrite manner. “I owe you a debt for saving me from Wolfson’s beast and erasing my scars. My gratitude was woefully absent at that meeting.”
He folded his arms and leaned back, surveying me. “I see. And when are you planning to apologize for the unpleasant things you said to me a few minutes ago?”
He was right, of course, but I could think of no other reason for requesting a meeting. Best to continue with this one. I smoothed out wrinkles on my gown to give me something to do besides hold his gaze. “It was thoughtless of me to criticize your profession in the hallway. I’m not very good at apologies.”
“Apparently not. You also called me callous, accused me of abandoning you, and blamed me for your distrust of men.”
“Again, I’m sorry.” The wrinkles would not be smoothed. The sooner I ended this conversation the better. “I’ll save any other maids from the danger of delivering you messages by apologizing for everything else I’ve said and may say later.” I scooted forward on the bench with a forced sigh of happiness. “Cook Lindon was right. It does feel better to get that off my chest.”
As I began to stand, Ronan took hold of my arm to keep me seated. “What did you really want to say to me, Marcella?”
I blinked at him in what I hoped was a guileless fashion. “Thatiswhat I wanted to say. We meant far too much to each other in the past to quarrel here at court. I must forgive you for deserting me, mercilessly, and leaving me in a state of utter despondency, and you must forgive me for my unkind tone two nights ago. And also the bit from a few minutes ago.”
“So you’re saying you want reconciliation in between berating me?”
“I think you’ve perfectly summed up what every woman wants, yes.”
I moved to stand. Ronan kept a firm hold of my arm. “What do you really want?” His eyes narrowed in suspicion.
Suspicion wasn’t a place I wanted him to linger. He hadn’t relinquished his hold on my arm and didn’t appear likely to do so until he’d received an answer to his satisfaction. What now? I could think of only one way to convince him my desire for reconciliation was sincere. I leaned over and gently placed my hand on his cheek. My eyes refrained from meeting his. I didn’t want to see displeasure or surprise at my touch. My gaze stayed on his lips, on the rise and fall of the slopes of his upper lip and the smooth sweep of the bottom of his mouth.
I leaned closer. I expected him to move away. He didn’t. Perhaps he didn’t think I would follow through on this show of affection. Nothing to do but prove him wrong. I pressed my lips to his. My mouth moved softly, lightly against his. Even though this was a ruse, my heart beat faster.
He didn’t return my kiss. His grip on my arm tightened as though he would push me away.
Well, all was not lost. He would simply think me an emotional storm of contradictions. Granted, his rejection would leave a lasting sting, one I already dreaded. Perhaps I sighed at what could never be. Maybe it was more of a moan of longing.
His lips relented then, softened, and answered mine. He pulled me closer, welcoming me to him. I hadn’t known I’d missed the feel of his chest, strong and firm, against mine. But I felt both the comfort of his arms around me and the lack of them for so long.
More than three years had passed since I’d kissed him, and no other man had held me this way. Part of me feared I’d forgotten how to kiss, that the ease I’d once had with Ronan was forever gone. Not so. The taste of his mouth, the smell of wizards’ smoke that permeated his clothes, his breath warming my skin, it was all as it had been. With my eyes shut and his arms around me, I felt as though I’d been transported back to our days at Docendum. Time and location and heartache were erased and the two of us were just ourselves again, innocent and untroubled.
And yet it wasn’t so. Kissing him now was dangerous. I couldn’t forget that.
I’d sufficiently made my point: that I’d requested a private meeting to do more than just apologize, but despite my resolve to do otherwise, I didn’t stop kissing him. In the lonely hours at Carendale, I’d longed for this embrace, craved it. I was as one deprived of air finally getting to breathe.
His hand traveled up my arm and across my shoulder until it found a place at the nape of my neck. His fingers wound into my hair there.
Ah, that. How had I forgotten the feel of his hand caressing my neck? I was sure I would never forget it again. With his arms around me, I couldn’t have moved if I wanted to. The kiss was growing deeper, more insistent. I felt dizzy with it.
We couldn’t continue this way. Tonight, I would have to take Ronan’s power from him, the thing he valued above all else. The thing he’d already shown he valued more than me.
Ironic. If he’d valued me more than his magic, we wouldn’t be in this situation. He would’ve come for me when he left Docendum, and I would’ve never been involved in a mission to take his power. Instead, I would be his downfall.
With that thought turning the kiss bitter, I pulled away from him. I couldn’t meet his eyes. My cheeks warmed, although I was unsure whether from embarrassment for being so forward or shame for what I had to do later. My headdress had tilted and I did my best to put it straight.
Ronan sat back against the bench with a smile. “That apology was quite a bit better than your first.”
My cheeks heated even more. My headdress was taking effort to straighten.