Aidan sighed. ‘Maddie, I—’
‘When you love somebody, you have to let them see every part of you. You should want to share everything with them, even the bad stuff. If you’d just called me to explain what was happening, then I could have been there for you. Listened to you, helped you work it out. But you shut me out without a single word and that’s not OK.’
Tears were pricking the backs of my eyes, but I refused to let Aidan think he’d got to me. I never wanted to let people see me cry over them.
‘I’ve changed,’ said Aidan softly. ‘I can learn to let someone in again.’
‘Why now?’
‘Because of you. Because ever since I saw you again the other night, I’ve not been able to get you off my mind. Then again, who am I kidding? I’ve never stopped thinking about you.’
‘It’s a bit late now. I’m engaged to somebody else!’ I said.
‘But what if you weren’t?’
Aidan reached out and took one of my hands. I looked at our fingers, entwined again. It felt painful, because of all the time that we’d lost, but it also felt like the right thing. Theonlything.
‘What if we were to try again?’ he asked. ‘I know I hurt you really badly and that I messed up and that I could have handled things a hundred times better. But it can’t be a coincidence that we’ve found each other again. I feel like we’ve been given one more chance. Don’t you feel that, too?’
I took a deep breath. I’d have to be honest, it was now or never.
‘I do,’ I said.
But downstairs was Nick.
‘But it’s too late,’ I added, glancing down at my engagement ring.
‘Does it have to be?’ asked Aidan.
How could I call it off now? Nick would be so hurt, or at least I thought he would be. I realised, then, that I didn’t really know him as well as I should. He kept so much of himself tucked away and I was happy to let him do that because I was doing the same thing.
‘I’d better get back,’ I said, making a move to leave.
‘All I ask is that you think about it,’ said Aidan softly. ‘Take your time to properly think it through. And don’t let anybody rush you, me included.’
I nodded. I remembered how patient Aidan had always been. How that perhaps it wasn’t the stability of someone like Nick I needed, but someone who really listened to me, who liked me for all that I was, the good and the bad. Was it time for me to take a leap of faith? To be brave and take a chance? Maybe I’d end up with no one, but surely that would be better than ending up with the wrong person.
Chapter Twenty-Five
I felt light-headed and fluttery as I made my way back to the restaurant. When I thought about Nick waiting for me, my stomach swirled. I’d come to Florence to meet my future in-laws and would be leaving with the realisation that it might be over between Nick and I. Tomorrow evening we’d be back in London and I would have to decide whether to end things, which, of course, I was dreading. I hoped he’d be OK. And actually, given how things had been going over the last few days, he might even be a tiny bit relieved. Because I could feel him pulling away, too. I thought he probably wasn’t quite ready to accept it, but I was, and terrifying as that felt, I knew I had to follow my heart and do this for me, instead of trying to do what was best for everyone else. Because, really, much as I hadn’t wanted it to be, it had always been Aidan.
I knew something was wrong as soon as I walked into the dining room and everyone stopped talking over each other and stared accusingly at me. Rosamund’s gaze was like ice, even more so than usual, and Nick’s face was a bright, tomato red. I caught Daisy’s eye and she winced at me – it was like she was giving me a warning, which I took to mean: retreat, retreat.
What on earth was going on? Had someone overheard my conversation with Aidan upstairs? I didn’t see how, wewere definitely the only ones up there and we would have heard the door to the terrace open.
I carried on over to the table, feeling even more reluctant than I had a few seconds before. Everyone watched as I scraped back my chair and sat back down. The atmosphere was tense and loaded. I cleared my throat as if I was about to speak, but I had nothing to say, not in front of an audience, so I took a mouthful of wine instead. Our mains had come while I was upstairs and I already knew I wouldn’t be able to stomach the ornately decorated fish dish in front of me.
‘Where have you been?’ asked Nick, sounding as though he needed to loosen his collar.
‘Upstairs,’ I said lightly. ‘Getting some air. I felt a bit faint.’
‘With that journalist guy, were you?’ said Peter.
Shit.
‘What do you mean?’ I asked, trying to play innocent.
‘Sophia’s just been filling us in,’ said Nick. ‘About your little romantic trysts with him. What the fuck is going on, Maddie?’