“I hadn’t expected to spend most of my time in a loft or that he’d leave before eight every morning and come home after seven each night.”
I understand her point. It doesn’t seem like this is at all what they had talked about when they were planning out what their lives would be like.
“Have you tried talking to him about it?”
“I shouldn’t be putting this on you, Ivyana. I’m sorry.” She clasps her hands together.
“Mom, stop. You never talk to me about this stuff, but there’s nothing wrong with telling me. Just answer me.”
“I’ve tried.” She presses her lips together in a firm line, forcing a smile. “You know, I should’ve known this was going to happen, and that’s what I keep coming back to. He thought by showing his commitment to me, to each other, we’d be able to make it work.”
My brows furrow in confusion. Is she suggesting they got married to fix their problems? That hardly sounds like the mom I know.
“I wanted to believe him, ya know? I love him.”
“I know you do, Mom. I don’t think that’s the question here. It seems like you’re the one who’s doing all the sacrificing. What has he sacrificed for you?”
She nods her head in agreeance, leaning back against the booth seat as if all of her emotions sucked all the energy out of her. Jayde approaches then, setting down our plates.
Sitting in silence while we both eat, my mind drifts back to the night with Brix in the car when he mentioned he wasn’t taking their marriage seriously. At the time, I wanted to believe things with my mom would be different. We never discussed what happened to his dad’s marriage to the assistant he had left his mom for. I figured like any marriage that started in disaster, it ended the same way. I hated thinking about how my mom may go through the same thing they had.
Regardless of what poor decisions Jasper had made in the past, it wasn’t my place to warn her of his past, no matter how bright and blinding the red flags were waving in my mind. I didn’t want to be the wedge that was driven between the two of them. If it wasn’t going to work out between them, I wanted it to be because they had given it everything they had, and they learned they weren’t meant for each other.
I still couldn’t help thinking about how she would react, though, if and when she found out about my relationship with Brix.
Twenty
Brix
After the night I drove Ivy down to the beach, all I could think about was bringing her to our house in Myrtle Beach for a weekend. When my dad mentioned going out of town for work and that Charlene was joining, I decided it was the perfect opportunity for us to get away.
Fourth of July had come and gone. Soon Ivy would be heading back to school, so I knew I only had a few more weeks left before she’d be gone. In the back of my mind, between everything going on with my mom and the band, I managed to push my argument with Tysin earlier this summer to the recesses of my mind. The one where I bet him I could sleep with her, sending her back to school with a broken heart.
When I’m with Ivy, the way I feel just being near her and the feelings that have begun to grow more intensely, it’s so easy to close out everything else and focus on being in the moment with her. I didn’t want to think about the hurtful comments I had said before I’d had a chance to truly get to know her.
On the drive to Myrtle Beach, with her hand wrapped in mine, I decide I need to use our time alone together to sit down and tell her the truth. Having Ivy around has changed me for the better in so many ways. I was selfish and inconsiderate. I only cared about myself and the band. I didn’t give a shit about the women I slept with, their feelings, or anyone I hurt. If it got me what I wanted in the end, that’s all that mattered to me.
Now, here I am thinking through all the ways I’ll explain to her how selfish I had been and how I had planned to hurt her. I want to open up to her about how I feel, but how do I begin to tell her when there is a large part of this that could hurt her, too?
I want my words to mean something, not be covered up by the cloud of betrayal hanging over me. I know she’ll be angry and hurt, but I hope she’ll give me a chance to prove to her the things I said and the way I felt in the beginning, isn’t at all how I feel about her now.
“Oh my God, this house is beautiful.” Ivy’s eyes light up, staring out the window as we pull up the long driveway.
The little things that make her happy and smile have become the best part of my day. I’ll start to do whatever I can just to see this look on her face.
Putting the truck in park, I tell her to stay where she is as I jog around to her side and open the door, holding my hand out to her.
“You can be so romantic.” She tries to cover up her grin as I pull her into me, kissing her softly. Her hand wraps around the base of my neck, holding me to her.
Grabbing our bags, I slam the door shut and slide my fingers into hers with a wink. “Whatever you say, baby.”
She rests her head on my shoulder while I sort through my keys, trying to find the right one. Slipping the key in the lock, I push the door open, letting Ivy lead the way.
“Oh my…” Her voice trails off as she walks through the house, running her hand along the back of the white couch over to the counter wrapped around the large eat-in kitchen.
“Are you sure we can’t live here?”
Despite her soft laugh and her wide smile, there’s an edge of seriousness in her tone. If we could stay here, I’d have our shit moved over in a heartbeat.