In the end, I chose to push the fears out of my mind and enjoy what was left of the summer we had together.
The next couple of weeks flew by quickly. Between working at Whiskey Barrel and watching A Rebels Havoc play, we’d settled into a routine.
When my mom asked me out to lunch early in the week, I agreed with not an ounce of reluctance, knowing it wouldn’t be long before I was saying goodbye to her, too. We decided to hit up the bar. They were known for their lunch menu. She hadn’t seen where I had been working since moving back to town, so it was a perfect place to meet.
Sitting along the bench outside of the bar, I read through the text messages from Brix from earlier in the day when my mom’s Audi pulls up and parks in the spot in front of me.
“Hi, sweetheart,” she sings, pushing her door open and stepping out.
Her skin is tan, her dark brown hair curled and pulled back away from her face. She is beautiful in a Demi Moore sort of way.
“Hi, Momma.” I stand, holding my arms out to her for a hug.
“I’ve missed you so much.” Her stomach growls as she laughs, pressing her hand against her to cover up the sound. “Sorry, I guess my stomach wanted to say hi, too. I’m starving.”
“Well, let’s get something to eat.” We laugh as I hold the door open for her to walk inside.
We pick out a booth along the outside wall. Jayde is the only person working the bar, the usual nighttime crowd gone, with only a few tables filled now.
Jayde stops by taking our order, as we fall into an easy conversation catching up. Although I’ve been staying with my mom for the past month and a half, we haven’t really spent time together.
Her marriage to Jasper has been a whirlwind from the beginning, and all her time and attention have been wrapped up in him. Not that I blame her, it should be that way. It just hasn’t left much time for us to connect with each other while I’ve been back.
“How was your trip to Aruba? You haven’t really filled me in on how it went.”
“Oh, Ivyana. It’s beautiful there. Absolutely breathtaking. I’ve never seen anything like it. It was nice to get away, the two of us, away from work, and enjoy our time together. You know?”
“I bet! I saw some of the pictures you posted on Facebook.”
She had shared snapshots of her and Jasper swimming near a waterfall. It was stunning, like something you’d see straight out of a magazine.
“I feel bad we haven’t had a chance to do this yet since you’ve been back home. I’ve wanted to, you know. Things have been crazy.” She pauses, taking a drink of her ice water.
“Yeah, I know. You’ve been busy, but it’s okay.”
“I’m sorry. You know that, right?”
“You don’t have to be sorry, Mom. Seriously. There’s nothing for you to be sorry for.”
Growing up, my mom put all her time and attention into me. I knew she had dated, I heard her talking about it with her friends and my grandma from time to time, but she never brought anyone around. I asked her about it once, about why she hadn’t been serious about anyone or why she hadn’t remarried.
It’s crazy to think about the conversation now. At the time, she told me she wasn’t interested in being remarried. Her divorce from my father was hard on her. We never really talked about how or why it happened, but there were signs that whatever had led it to end had caused her to have a lot of distrust in relationships. She had closed herself off to the idea of being with anyone.
Thinking about that, knowing how my relationship with Brix could affect hers with Jasper, made me feel even more guilty. I didn’t want what we had to cause any problems between them.
As selfish as it was for me, I also didn’t want to stop what was growing between Brix and me.
“Things have changed so much, you know. Who would’ve thought a year ago, we’d be here? My relationship with Jasper moved so quickly. I never thought I’d get married again, but we wanted to make it work.”
The way she says it, I can hear the tension in her voice. It is the first sign that whatever is going on, underneath the surface, it isn’t all as it appears to be.
“It’s good, though, right? You’re happy?”
I hadn’t intended for it to come out as a question, but she must’ve picked up on my apprehension as she lifts her glass to her mouth to take a drink. She flashes me a tense smile, eyes searching the bar for the answers that aren’t coming to her.
“I’m very happy,” she murmurs, pausing as if trying to gather her thoughts. “I just, you know, you have these pictures in your mind of how things are going to go. You’re with someone, and you make these plans, you visualize what it will be like in your head. I knew Jasper was serious about his job. In fact, one of the things I love most about him is how hard he works. I had thought when we got married, he was going to take a step back, you know. We’re getting older, our children are older. We talked about spending the summer down at the beach house and traveling together.”
The sadness starts to creep in. I want to get up and hug her, find a way to ease the confusion and hurt she is feeling.