I’m merely a smiling viper who broke her own rules and allowed herself to... feel.
“Melisa, I know you were with Eneko. What happened?”
His blue eyes pierce me from the depths of my soul, but I stare back, fearless as the jaws of ruin open wide. One last breath pushes past my lips.
The waking nightmare comes swiftly. My heart beats at a frantic pace, and my palms start to sweat as the tips of my fingers turn numb. I try taking the deepest breaths possible, but the air simply refuses to enter my lungs.
This cursed man's arms wrap around me, pulling me off the tree and then holding me as close to his chest as possible.
"No," I choke.
He shouldn't touch me. I can't be the kind of person who is touched by one man and then another. I can't do this to Ra'Sa.
"Shh, I am here," he says. "I know how to help you through this, remember?"
A choked sob breaks out as I stand there, weak and defenseless against his kindness. "You don't know, Ra'Sa."
“Tell me what you needed to pay her for?" he murmurs.
I shake my head.
Just do it.He came with you to get information, nothing more. This is all a part of the mission.
I pull away from the Enduar. The perfect man with a kind soul and a smile that lights up the heavens looks at me with such tender concern I simply don't deserve.
I take my other arm and pull back the sleeves, revealing the hundreds of scars across my arms. They are so rarely on display.
“You’re right. I was withhim, but Hibsej met me after. This is payment for laying with her husband," I spit out.
As the words leave my mouth, my head buzzes. I feel as though I am watching this exchange happen from the top of some tree.
I take another step back when Ra'Sa's bright blue eyes drop from my face to my arms. His large hand reaches up and wraps around one of my wrists, brushing against some of the deep scars that had been dangerously deep when they were made.
He soaks in the years of wounds.
"The long sleeves,” he murmurs, more to himself. “I thought that you only wore them for winter."
I don't respond.
He gives me the same look he did while we were traveling. Memories of his arms wrapped around me turn. He held me close while my attack raged. Cherished me. Whispered sweet words.
“Why are you still here?” I demand.
“Because I don’t care about where you were—I care about you.”
I laugh bitterly into his chest. “You don’t know what I did. I used the same hand you now hold. I put my mouth on his cock. If we are being honest, I got lucky he didn’t demand more tonight. I won't be next time. Will you hold me then?”
The sex would be awful, like it had been the first few months. But being held after? How could I live with myself?
Ra’Sa remains silent, and the absolute absence of sound drives me crazy. I try to pull away, but he refuses to let me go.
“Again, this is what I am, Ra'Sa,” I say into his chest.
I expect him to finally drop my hand, to let me go, but he still doesn’t. So I tear away.
"Melisa, I want to be with you,” he says softly and steps toward me. "It's all right."
"All right? You are good. You want a family, and children to carry your bloodline, and amate. I-I’m a leech—latching onto people who can secure my future. That's the whole reason you and I know each other!”