“I know you do,” she assured me. “Does he not feel the same anymore? Is that why you’re so upset?”
I sniffed. “No, Mom, he loves me, too. I just...I caused him to think he wasn’t good enough. When I left him without saying goodbye, it nearly killed him.”
“What?” Mom looked startled. “You’re talking about that summer, right? The one where you said you had to get back to school early because of an addition.”
Whoops. I might have fibbed a little. “Yeah.”
“You left Cole without telling him? Without a goodbye or anything?” Her brows dipped. “Sweetie, did you know that I did that to your father once? Did I ever tell you? I messed up so badly with Hutch. He was angry with me, and it’s something I regret even now. I probably will for the rest of my life.”
I shook my head. “I didn’t know about you and Dad until the other day.”
“Why did you leave him? You two were so in love that summer. Everyone could see it.”
“Because I was terrified Cole would give up everything for me.”
Mom’s eyes grew wet. “So instead, you gave up everything for him.”
“I...” I had never thought of it like that before.
I had tucked my broken heart, pieces and all, inside a box and planned to never open it again. Not until Cole came back into my life. The moment I saw him again, that box was ripped apart and all the pieces scattered around North Carolina.
Mom stroked my cheek. “Your heart was in the right place. And so was mine. We made decisions we thought were good for the people we loved, but in the end, it nearly ruined us.”
“He wanted to die, Mom.” I pressed my head against her shoulder. “He said he couldn’t get out of bed and wanted to die. I did that to him.”
Mom squeezed me closer. “But he’s here now. Cole loves you and wants to be with you, right? Why are you still running?”
“I’m not good enough for him.” I hadn’t meant to say that, and I regretted it the moment the words slipped from my lips.
Mom huffed. “That’s a fucking lie, Reed Kelly. Cole should be so lucky to have you in his life. You’re smart, brilliant, and funny. You’re a much better dancer than I ever was, and I’m so damn proud of you. Your father and I both are. You’re the most amazing son we could have asked for.”
“I think...” I took a deep breath and squared my shoulders. “I think I have an eating disorder.”
At first, I wasn’t sure if she heard me, but Mom held onto me tighter and her body began to shake. She held me as she cried, and my tears soon joined hers. She told me we would figure this out. That I was strong and could beat it. And that she would stand behind me one hundred percent. Because she loved me.
“Thank you,” I whispered. “For being the best mother I could have ever asked for.”
Mom smiled, her cheeks stained with tears and her eyes rimmed with red. “You’re the best son I could have ever asked for.” She leaned closer. “Just don’t tell Silas I said that.”
I snorted. “Can’t promise you that one.” But I loved my brother. I would never hurt him like that. And we knew Mom loved us all equally.
“How about this?” Mom grabbed my hand and tugged me into the kitchen. “You go get changed. I’ll make us some popcorn, and we can watch a movie. Your choice.”
Just like when I was a kid. It felt like forever since we’d done something like that. “I think that’s a great idea.”
MOM AND I WATCHEDMean Girlstogether. We laughed, ate popcorn, and enjoyed ourselves. It felt so good to be home. Normal. I felt better than I had in a long time. Years, probably. But there was the elephant in the room that I was scared toacknowledge: the eating disorder that had taken over my life over the past couple of years. I knew that my mother wasn’t going to let it go either. I would be surprised if she did, because she was my mom, and she loved me. She noticed everything. Maybe that’s why I told her in the first place. So she would push me.
“Sweetie.” Mom brushed the hair from my forehead. Her lips turned up into a half-smile, while her eyes looked sad. “I think you should talk to someone.”
My vision blurred. “Mom, I don’t think I can do that yet.”
“Reed Hutch Kelly, this is not up for debate.” She three-named me. That was never good. “I’m not angry with you. I’m simply worried. I want my son to live a long, healthy, and happy life. But you can’t do that if you don’t take care of yourself.”
She was right. Of course, she was right. My mother was one of the smartest people I knew.
“I know.” My voice was hardly a whisper. “I just don’t know how.”
Mom tilted my head up. “Your father has been seeing a therapist for years. She doesn’t take on new clients anymore; she’s mostly retired these days, but for Hutch, she would do anything. Megan is a wonderful woman.”