“That’s...That’s not fair,” Reed whispered.
I pushed the hair back from his forehead. “Baby, just talk to me. If you’re starving yourself for ballet, we can get you help. You don’t have to do that to dance. You—”
“Stop it!” Reed’s eyes shimmered with tears. “You don’t know anything about me. I’m not nineteen years old anymore, Casanova. And you can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved! There is nothing wrong with me!”
I cupped his head between my hands. “Baby, you deserve to be saved. Don’t you see that? You’re fucking perfect just the way you are. You don’t need to shove yourself into some sortof bubble and conform to what others think is beautiful. You already are.”
“I can’t do this.” Reed ducked under my arm.
I tried to grab him again, but he was faster than I anticipated. Running down the hallway and the stairs. If he didn’t drop his bag, I might have missed him. He tried to shrug me off as I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him flush against me.
“Baby, stop.”
“Stop it! Stop calling me that! I’m not perfect, and I have never been. But you, mister famous hockey player. You have everything you ever wanted. You didn’t give up everything like I did,” Reed sobbed. Tears streamed down his face.
My heart cracked against my ribs. “You were missing from my life, Reed.”
“If you were so in love with me, if you missed me so much, why did you fuck Fiona?” He angrily brushed the tears from his cheeks. His entire face fell. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
I released him as my blood boiled. “Did you expect me to remain celibate while you fucked every available male in New York?”
“I...Fuck you!” Reed pushed at my chest. “I’m not a slut, Cole. You can’t make me feel bad for having sex when we weren’t together. It didn’t matter. I pretended they were you. Every single one of them. They all had your fucking eyes, your fucking smile, your fucking everything. It was never enough. I saw you when I was sleeping. When I was awake. You were everywhere, even when you weren’t. And then I had to watch you fall in love with someone else in front of the world.”
Everything inside of me suddenly hurt. “It wasn’t like that. I never loved Fiona.”
“Could have fooled me. All those posts and pictures together. The heart emojis and winky faces. It. Broke. Me.”
“You left me! You let me confess how I felt about you and then you disappeared. Ignored all my messages and texts. Never answered my calls! What was I supposed to do? I tried to move on!”
Reed’s chin quivered. “I wanted you to live your dream. I couldn’t stand the thought of you giving it up for me. And you are. You’re about to win a championship. You have a house, and you’re a huge star.”
“I wantedyou, Reed.Youwere my dream. You have no idea how depressed I got after that. I didn’t get out of bed for days. Refused to eat or speak to my parents. I wanted to...” I shook my head. I had never shared that with anyone. No one knew how dark things got for me when Reed left me.
He reached up to stroke his palm over my cheek. “You wanted to what, Casanova?” Tears slipped down his cheeks as he waited for my answer.
“I wanted to die, okay? I wanted to die because I loved you so much, and you just threw me away like dirty trash!” I choked out. “I hated myself and everyone else for being happy when I was so fucking angry and sad.”
Reed’s brows shot up as his eyes went wide. “Cole.”
“I need you to leave,” I murmured. But he didn’t move. “I’m serious. I need you to go home now, okay? I just...I just need a moment to get my shit together.”
Reed stared at me, fresh tears on his face. “Okay.”
And then he was gone, leaving me alone to sob like a baby in the kitchen.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Reed
Iburst through the front door of my parents’ house as angry sobs wracked my body. I barely held it together on the ride-share home. I couldn’t stop thinking about the way Cole had felt, the depression and suicidal thoughts, which were all my fault. I had caused him to think he wasn’t good enough. That his life wasn’t worth living. I was a terrible human being. I couldn’t believe I was capable of being that horrible. God, I was awful.
“Sweetie, what’s wrong?” Mom asked when she saw me standing in the kitchen with my face buried in my hands, tears soaking my skin. “Oh, come here.” She moved closer and wrapped her arms around me. “Sshh, it’s okay.”
That only made me cry harder. Because it wasn’t. It never would be. If I had just stayed and faced Cole. Told him what I needed him to do and not to leave Boston for me. Things would be different. He would know he was the most amazing man I had ever met, and I was honored to have him in my life.
Mom hummed softly. “Do you want to talk about it?” She gently combed her fingers through my hair. When I didn’t answer her, she pulled back and forced me to look at her. “Did something happen between you and Cole? Did you have a fight?”
I squeezed my eyes shut as fresh tears formed. “I love him.”