Payton felt her heart pounding and her palms turn sweaty. She’d never been so nervous before. It wasn’t helped that Alex wouldn’t meet her gaze. She couldn’t tell if he was nervous or didn’t want to say. “I’m jealous you get to interrogate Simon. I’d love a few minutes in the box with him.” She chuckled at her own joke. “Pay him back for this,” she said pointing at her shoulder. She wasn’t about to try and move it again.
Alex remained mute. That wasn’t a good sign. He was good at brooding. And she had an idea about what. Them. He was having the same conflict. Well, she wouldn’t drag this on. She’d rip it off like a Band-Aid. Payton was a big girl. She was no stranger to rejection. She’d make this easy on him so he could go, and she could lick her wounds in privacy.
She opened her mouth to speak when he beat her to it. “I’m sorry,” he said softly.
Okay, not the statement she was expecting. Payton’s spine stiffened.
“If you’re saying you’re sorry about us and you regret what happened, save it. Just go ahead and leave.” She pointed to the exit. She didn’t want to sit here and listen to him drone on about how wrong it had been to be with her and blah, blah, blah.
That brought his eyes up and got that blank look off of his face. “What?”
Apparently, he wasn’t in a rush to leave. “We both knew this wasn’t permanent, and now that dad is home, you can go back to your life, and I’ll go back to mine. It was fun while it lasted.” Every word tasted like ash on her tongue. It was hard to get the words out without choking on them. Her entire body rebelled at ending things. She’d been hesitant before this moment, but now she didn’t want to give him up. Give them up. She wanted to fight. But how do you fight when one of the parties didn’t want that?
Payton was prideful. It was a fault she couldn’t change about herself. She refused to throw herself at a man who was clearly done with her.
He still stood there with a shocked look on his face. At least it wasn’t a mask of indifference; that would shred her.
“You’d better catch up with Dad while you still can.” She nodded toward the door, ready for him to go. She felt tears sting her eyes and didn’t want to break down in front of him.
Payton closed her eyes and turned away from him. She couldn’t look at him. She wanted to remember when he’d looked at her with passion. With caring. Dare she imagine—love. Not this.
Her breath caught when she heard movement. He was leaving. It was what she wanted, but it still stuck like a knife. It hurt worse than being shot.
Payton gasped and her eyes sprang open when she felt Alex’s hand over her hers. She turned as he took a seat on the corner of the bed, wrapping his hand around hers. It dwarfed hers in comparison.
That empty look in his eyes was gone. In its place was unbridled passion. A look she’d come to cherish over the past few days.
“I don’t regret us, Payton.”
A weight was lifted off her chest. “You don’t?” She could scarcely breathe.
The corner of his mouth twitched like he was trying not to laugh. “No.”
Now she was confused. “Then why did you apologize?”
“Because you’re here because of me.”
“It’s not your fault.” Why would he ever think that?
“I’m the reason you were shot,” he continued arguing as if it were evident. Well, it wasn’t to her.
“No, you aren’t,” she snapped. She wouldn’t allow him to take blame for that. “Simon had the gun. He’s the one at fault, not you. You saved my life. I had every intention of getting to my knife on the desk, but I knew there was a risk of him getting a shot off before I got to it.”
She watched him visibly shiver. “That was one of the scariest moments in my life. Watching him standing in front of you with a gun. Not knowing if I’d get to you in time.”
“Believe it or not, I can take care of myself.” She felt the need to remind him. She thought she’d more than proven herself over the past few days.
“I know, Payton, you’ve more than proven yourself recently.” He licked his lips nervously as he squirmed in his seat. She’d never seen him like this. Could that mean… “It was just seeing you in that moment, it made me realize. I mean, the past few days with you have been…” His words trailed off like he was struggling to find the words.
If she weren’t in a sling, and it wouldn’t cause an extreme amount of pain, she would strangle him. She was on the edge of her seat. Willing him to finish his sentences. Any of them. But a shield came over his face, and she could see him shutting down.
Oh no, he didn’t. He’d cracked open the window with his half statements. She was breaking it down and charging in. She’d thought he had been trying to break up without making it messy, but now she could see the truth. He wanted more. He just didn’t want to be the first to break the silence. She wouldn’t let him retreat.
“I love you, Alex,” she said bluntly.
“Payton,” he said her name as if it were painful.
“I’m not asking you to say it back. I just want you to know. Have all the facts. I’ve loved you since I was a teenager. Even when I thought you hated me, I loved you. The past few days have been every one of my wishes come true, and I don’t want to give that up.” She felt her voice crack but didn’t want to ruin this moment asking for a glass of water.