Maybe it was because I’d dumped everything I’d been through on the Bastards before I left. Maybe, after everything that had happened, I’d needed closure more than therapy. Maybe it was just being out in the world and realizing all I’d been missing.
I didn’t know, but I knew I wanted more. More than the paltry amount of happiness I’d thought I deserved and more than I’d thought I was allowed to have. I didn’t know what the future held or how I was going to get back to my life, but I promised myself I wouldn’t settle for something small ever again.
By the time we finished dessert — lime cream crumble with mint and Greek ice cream with pistachios, orange, and a delicate shredded phyllo — I was satisfied and relaxed. The wine we’d consumed with dinner and the gorgeous food had worked like a drug on my body and I realized I hadn’t thought about my skimpy dress once.
Then a gust of wind blew off the water, causing goose bumps to rise on my skin, and I realized the Bastards — all of them — were staring at my tits. I didn’t have to look down to know why: my nipples were so hard I was surprised they didn't tear a hole in the filmy fabric of my dress.
And while the physical reaction might have started out because of the chill in the air, the lustful gazes of the Bastards turned it into something else. I’d already fucked Nolan and Jude together, and as much as Rafe might hate me, I knew he wanted me too. What would it be like to have them all? To feel Rafe push inside me while Jude put his dick in my mouth and Nolan… well, there would only be one hole left, I guess.
My face burned at the thought of it, but for once, the prayers that haunted me were silent.
“Not even going to hide the fact that you’re staring at my tits?” I asked them.
“Nope,” Nolan said cheerfully.
“That’s a negative, boss.”
I stared at Rafe, waiting for his answer. When it came, it wasn’t what I expected.
“Let’s get the fuck out of here.”
53
LILAH
We weresilent on the drive back to the house. I couldn’t speak for the Bastards, but hunger had roared to life in my veins under their lustful gazes at the restaurant. I was buzzed and horny, eager to get naked after more than a week without sex.
The outdoor lights were on outside when we pulled up to the house and we piled out of the car and made our way inside. But instead of heading for the living room or one of the bedrooms, I set my bag down in the kitchen and made a beeline for the pool, remembering the delicious slide of water against my naked skin when I’d gotten in the hot tub with Nolan and Jude after our fuckfest in the sauna.
Nolan and Jude followed, but Rafe hesitated, and I wondered if he’d shun me, disappear into his room rather than joining us outside.
The pool light was on, the water glowing under an inky sky bright with stars, the plants around the patio lit with landscaping lights. Below the cliff, water crashed against the rocks. The patio felt otherworldly, like we were perched alone at the edge of the universe.
I reached behind my neck to untie the halter-style top of the dress before I could change my mind. I knew what I wanted, and for once, I wasn’t going to be ashamed of it.
I could feel Nolan and Jude watching me as I walked to the deep end and let the dress pool around my feet, leaving me standing in nothing but the new heels and underwear.
But I wanted to benaked. I felt newly hedonistic, the exotic locale and wine and confession at the mountain house cutting loose the last remaining anchors to my inhibitions.
And I definitely had an audience. Rafe had joined us on the patio after all, his gaze locked on my body as I slipped off the heels. Jude licked his lips when I hooked my thumbs into my underwear and pulled them down my thighs, and the heat that had been blooming in my cunt blossomed into a full-fledged forest fire.
I was bare-ass naked, my clothes at my feet, separated from the Bastards by the length of the pool. The ocean breeze was cool on my skin, my nipples hard as pebbles as I dove clean into the water.
I swam the length of the pool, surprised to find that it was heated, the water warm and slippery against my skin, caressing every crevice of my body as I stroked my way to the shallow end.
When I came up for air, all three of the Bastards were staring at me like hawks about to go in for the kill on an oblivious mouse.
Except I wasn’t oblivious. I knew what they wanted and I was no longer afraid to admit that I wanted it too.
I stepped out of the pool and walked over to Nolan, standing a few feet away from the edge.
Water sluiced off my body but he didn’t complain when I lifted a wet hand to work the buttons on his shirt.
“Kind of seems like you know what you want tonight, sweetheart.”
I pushed his shirt off his shoulders and let it fall to the ground, then reached for the zipper on his pants. “Are you complaining?”
Jude moved in behind me, his clothes warm against my cooling skin, and reached around to cup my tits. “Ain’t nobody here going to complain about that, boss.”