And I noticed him too. I noticed the way his loose linen pants draped on his hips but did nothing to hide the fact that he was packing serious heat between his thighs, the way the matching white shirt, loose and unbuttoned, showed off his inked chest and made his perpetually tan skin look even more golden.
“Damn, boss.” Jude took my hand and gave me a twirl, and I wobbled a little on the new heels I’d found at the bottom of the wardrobe with the dresses.
I’d never really been a heels kind of girl — it wasn’t like I’d ever had anywhere to wear them anyway — but I had to admit, I liked the way they looked with the dress, the way they made my legs look longer, the way they made me feel sexy and desirable. I hadn’t known clothes could do that.
I’d left my hair down, mostly because I didn’t have much experience wearing it any other way except in a ponytail, and that didn’t seem quite right for the occasion. But I’d made my eyes a little smokier, with dark liner and an extra coat of mascara. I’d even used a brow powder I’d grabbed on clearance at the drugstore but had never had an opportunity to try, although I’d kept my lip pale with a peachy gloss.
“I almost feel ashamed to be wearing jeans,” Nolan said.
I rolled my eyes and smiled. “You look amazing, as usual.”
His face lit up. “As usual?”
“Don’t be coy. You know you’re hot. You all do.” I focused on Jude and Nolan when I said it because even though Rafe had ordered the dresses and shoes, we were still barely on speaking terms. “Besides, those are nice jeans.”
Nolan had paired the jeans, dark and tailored, with a crisp white T-shirt and a navy blazer that was snug in all the right places. His dark hair grazed the collar of his jacket and I had an image of it tangled in my fingers while he ate my pussy.
My nipples got hard and I cursed the fact that the dress hadn’t allowed for a bra. It was the first time I’d ever worn something revealing, let alone with no bra. It was both freeing and a little terrifying.
And it wasn’t just because of the dress or the harsh beauty of the three men standing in front of me. I hadn’t slept with any of them since our fight. I was on edge, my newfound lust idling while I tried to figure out all the emotional stuff, which was way more complicated than the fucking part.
“I don’t know about you assholes,” Jude said, “but I’m feeling pretty good right about now. Lilah thinks we’re hot.”
He wore slim black trousers and a black button-down shirt unbuttoned to his navel. The monochromatic color scheme made his features stand out in sharp relief, his jaw more angular, his eyes deeper and more brown.
Rafe grabbed the keys off the little wooden table by the door. "Let’s go, before your head gets too big to fit through the door.”
Somehow I ended up in the front seat next to Rafe on the way into town, his nearness in the small car almost too much for my recently chaste body to bear. I was hyper aware of his thigh, the bulge between his legs, the way light from the streetlamps passed over his features before his face was plunged back into shadow again.
I still wasn’t willing to admit that I wanted him, but I wouldn’t lie and say I didn’t want him either.
We ended up at a tiny seaside restaurant in town. It was quaint and filled with couples dining by candlelight, hands entwined on the table, and I felt a moment of jealousy. Now that I’d gotten the sex part out of the way, I couldn’t help wondering what it would be like to be in love, to have someone look at me adoringly across a candlelit table, someone who knew what I liked to order and was willing to share dessert.
I was the only woman there with three guys, something that didn’t go unnoticed by the other patrons. They stared as we were led to our table, the air shifting as we moved through the restaurant to the patio, like the sheer masculinity wafting off the Bastards was a drug and everyone in the place was getting high.
I understood because I was high too. The Bastards felt like mine and I didn’t have the guts to examine the absurdity of it.
We were seated at a table right at the edge of the patio, the water lapping against the rocks below the restaurant. In the distance, lights shone on the superyachts I’d seen on the water earlier in the day, and I didn’t even envy them.
For once, I didn’t want to be anywhere but right where I was.
It only got better after the Bastards ordered food and wine. I hadn’t had a drop of alcohol since that night at Brandon Miller’s party, but I was tired of making decisions based on one night in high school.
I wanted to be free. Really free.
I took small sips from the glass Nolan poured me and found the wine earthy and delicious.
It was followed by an array of food so sublime I felt like I’d died and gone to heaven, my naive palate teased to life by caviar and sweet-potato cream with grated cheese, a tender salad with freshly caught fish and capers, fried octopus with ink sauce (I’d hesitated over that one but ended up loving it), steak tartare with hazelnut truffle oil and burnt scallions, and shrimp pulled right from the Aegean and served with miso butter.
I felt like I was on a culinary roller coaster, each dish an entirely new experience. I was pretty sure I’d never be able to eat Taco Bell again.
The courses were brought out slowly, giving us plenty of time to enjoy each one, and I was surprised to find that the Bastards were actually good conversationalists.
They were smart too, not that I’d thought they were dumb before. Okay, maybe I’d thought Rafe was dumb, but that was just because he acted like a Neanderthal half the time.
He wasn’t though, and we talked about books we’d read (when you were broke there was nothing like a library card for free entertainment) and movies we loved, about the places the Bastards had been, which was basically everywhere.
The world had always seemed like something apart from me, something that was there for everyone else, like a movie I didn’t have a ticket to watch. Now I felt my world expanding, and for the first time it actually felt accessible, like I could see it if I wanted to, like I could be part of it.