I would survive this too. I had to, for Matt. I had to get back to my life, start building for us again, because Matt was going to need me someday whether he realized it yet or not.
I got up and went downstairs to find Jude, even though I wasn’t at all hungry. He was there, in the kitchen like always, drawing on his sketch pad. The great room was quiet except forthe soft scratch of his pencil and the crackle of the fire in the living room.
My breath caught in my throat as I approached him, wearing sweatpants and no shirt, the ink on his arm undulating as his muscles flexed with the movement of the pencil.
“Do you come down for me?” I asked, sliding onto one of the chairs at the island. “Or is it just a coincidence that you’re always here at two a.m.?”
“Both. I’ve never been a good sleeper.” He closed his sketch pad and turned his deep brown eyes on me. “You’re a bonus.”
“Are you trying to get me into bed again?” We hadn’t broached the subject of what had happened between Nolan, Jude, and me but that didn’t mean I hadn’t been thinking about it.
A lot.
He leaned over, resting his arm on my chair while he kissed me long and slow, before pulling away. He tucked a loose piece of hair behind my ear.
“I’ve never actually gotten you into bed, boss.” He grinned. “And yeah, I’d definitely be down for that sometime real soon.”
I was apparently down for that too because I had to restrain myself from straddling him then and there.
“I wouldn’t be opposed,” I said, glad I sounded demure and not like the horny slut I was becoming.
“You didn’t come down here for an orgasm,” he said. “Or did you?” I smiled and he stood. “Want a grilled cheese?”
“Actually, I think I’ll pass on the grilled cheese tonight. My stomach feels nervous.”
He sat back down. “Nervous how?”
“I don’t know. I just keep thinking about everything Daisy and the Beasts said, trying to find something that connects what Piers Cantwell was doing to whatever Vic and Mr. Suit are up to. It’s like I know it’s there, but I can’t quite find it.”
“You sure you’re not seeing what you want to see?” Jude asked.
I sighed. “Maybe.”
I wanted to solve the mystery, although I’d stopped telling myself it was just so I could go back to my real life. Somehow it felt easier to connect it to a bigger conspiracy than to chalk the whole thing up to a couple of guys taking advantage of a lost girl.
And also, there were too many weird parts: like Mr. Suit and his bodyguards and the way they’d chased me through the woods on snowmobiles like I was some kind of mob witness who might be their downfall instead of just a messed-up girl who could barely hold her own life together.
Maybe that was why the image of the girl being shoved into the car haunted me. I’d been all alone in the world, without a single soul other than Matt to care about what happened to me. How long would it have taken someone to notice I was missing if they’d taken me instead?
Would anyone have mourned me? Would anyone have evenlookedfor me?
Jude pulled me to my feet. “Come on, boss. I think I might have something that might help you sleep.”
“Does that something involve you naked in bed?” I asked, half hoping.
“Not this time, although it could be arranged.” He led me to the sofa. “Wait here.”
I watched as he put another log on the fire. Embers crackled and burst to life, flying above the stack of burning wood like a mini fireworks show.
“Pretty soon it’ll be too warm to have a fire every night,” he said.
I knew what he meant: spring was slower to come to the mountain, but evidence of its arrival was everywhere in warmerdays, verdant leaves unfurling on the trees, the happy trill of birds chirping.
“It’s been nice,” I said. “I’ve always wanted a fireplace.”
“All the more reason to eke out every fire until summer.” He returned to the sofa and sat next to me, then pulled me with him as he lay down.
“Is this your magic sleep trick?” I asked, easing into the crook of his arm. “Lying on the sofa?”