I shake my head, trying to find words but nothing comes out.
“I am a safe space for you, just as you’re a safe space for me,” he explains, then lies back down on my lap. He grabs my hand and puts it on his head. It takes me a moment, but my fingers start running through his hair again.
It takes far too long for my heart to settle in my chest.
“I’m sorry,” he says softly. “I shouldn’t have done that.”
“It’s okay.”
He turns on his back and looks up at me. “I feel like I’m really bad at this.”
“At what?”
“Being your slave. I talk when I’m not supposed to. I do things you tell me not to. You’re always correcting me.”
“You’re learning.”
“It’s been two months.”
Confidence is something he still needs to work at, but it’s not something I can help him with. Well, I can do my part, but it’s other aspects of his life that he needs to work through in order to feel that confidence. He’ll get there.
“It’s not a simple thing to do. It goes against your nature, but you’re doing wonderfully. I enjoy our time together.”
“Why aren’t you harder on me? To make me do exactly what you want?”
“Being harsh doesn’t produce better results.”
“If this was something we did without a contract, would it still be the same way?”
“It’s what we make of it, Cassius.”
I focus on the silence as my fingers brush through his soft hair.
“You don’t call me slave anymore,” he comments thoughtfully.
“Do youwant me to?”
“Does it mean something that you don’t?”
I think about that for a few seconds. “Cassius feels better. It feels right.”
It falls silent again, just the crackling of the fire across the room. It has to be getting close to the time that he needs to leave, but I don’t want him to, and I think part of him doesn’t want to either.
“When is the last time you kissed someone?” he asks.
“I was nineteen.”
I expect a big reaction from that, but all he says is, “I’m sorry to hear that.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry for.”
“Of course there is. Kissing people is nice. It’s—”
“Personal. Intimate. Everything I try to avoid.”
“Why do you avoid it?”
“There are too many unknowns in a relationship.”