I don’t know why I bother. Of course he means it. He always says what he means. But I’m so desperate for this nightmare to go away that I’ll say whatever I have to in hopes that I’m wrong and he’s going to prove it. I was prepared for this. I knew coming here wouldn’t end in happiness. But I feel like I’ve taken a knife to the chest, and he’s watching me bleed out on the floor.
“You deserve something uncomplicated,” is what he goes with, tugging on the bottom of his jacket.
It feels like my body was injected with lead and I’m a thousand pounds. I can’t move. I can barely breathe.
“Wh-what did I do wrong?” I ask, my voice small like a child’s.
It’s pathetic.
I am pathetic. I know that. I’ve always known that, but for a short time, he made me think I wasn’t. He made me think that I was worthy of good things. Of course, this is the exact reason he can’t be with me.
“Did I do somethingwrong?” I ask.
“No,” he says quickly. Brushing me off and taking a few steps toward the stairs but stopping before he goes up them. He almost sounds irritated at my question.
But of course he does.
Look at him and look at me. Why wouldn’t he be annoyed with me?
“Then how can I fix this?” I beg, stepping toward him. He doesn’t move. Doesn’t flinch. Just stands there staring at the ground. “Tell me how I can fix this, please. I’ll do anything. Anything at all, I—please.”
Tears blur my eyes. Harmon holds his chin up, facing me once again.
“There’s nothing you can do.”
“But what about—”
“You and your sister can keep your jobs,” he says coldly. Distant. “I know you’re concerned with money. I’ll be working from home for the foreseeable future.”
Now that… that hurts more than anything else. Because it’s pity. It solidifies how fucking pathetic I am.
Standing here and begging him is only going to hurt me more, but I can’t walk away. I can’t give up. Not so easily. I’ve never had shame, and that won’t start today. So what’s a little more begging?
“If something happened, I can fix it,” I say, sniffling. “Whatever it is, I’ll fix it. I promise I can. You just have to give me a chance.”
He swallows hard, and for a split second, I think he’s going to agree—that he’s going to give me a chance. But then that blank stare is back, and whatever he’s about to say is going to hurt more than anything else has.
“I’m not giving chances anymore,” he says harshly. “This was always going to end. You should have known that.”
He moves past me and to the front door, pulling it open, but he stops before he goes outside.
“Please don’t make this harder than it has to be,” he says, his voice raspy. Then he keeps going.
I hear his car start up and drive off but it all feels like a dream. Like the worst dream of my entire life.
Chapter Fifty
Harmon
I end up at a bar I don’t know the name of in a town I can’t recall the name of. I’m sure I passed the sign, but everything was a blur. I didn’t know where I was going, I only knew I needed to get out of there. One more second of watching Cassius break down and I’d have given in.
But I can’t. It’s better for both of us this way. He and Camarra get to keep their jobs. Their bills are paid. I’ll deal with working from home until I can figure something else out. Maybe I’ll retire sooner rather than later.
This isn’t the first pile of shit I’ve stepped in, but it does feel like the biggest. The messiest. I have no idea how to fix this. The problem is… I could stop Oliver. I could fire him and it would be done. But he will open his mouth, he will spread everything he knows, and the damage is done. So, I am stuck under his thumb until he decides to move on.
It’s not the end of the world, really. I always knew I would end up alone. I just wish I knew why it hurt so much now. Cassiusand I weren’t a thing for long, but we were a big thing. A thing that gave me hope. That had me dreaming and wishing for a better and not-lonely future. I could have had everything I’ve always dreamed of… with him.
But I fucked up. Just like my father told me I would do. It’s why he didn’t want me to have the company. He knew me being gay would ruin Stone Timeworks. And look what’s happened? He’s probably laughing in his grave right now, the prick.