I don’t resent my sisters for needing me to take care of them—I chose to do that. No one made me. I did it because I love them. Though I do hate and resent my mother for not stepping up and being a shitty person. There is so much time and a lot of experiences I will never get back. I love my sisters, but it’s time to worry about myself. Even if it’s a little. Just this one thing.
“Harmon,” I whisper.
It takes a moment, but he responds with a questioning hum. “Hm?”
“Do you really think that we could figure this out? As like… a long-term thing?”
“Yes, I do,” he says simply. “And I never thought I would say that.”
His fingers run up and down my back gently, soothing the little bit of anxiety popping up over this huge stage of my life. So much has changed, and I know there is still so much more to happen, even if I can’t see it yet.
“I’ve been so caught up in the whirlwind of handling everything these last few months that I didn’t take time to think about it—really think about it. Not until right now.”
“And what do you think?” he asks.
“I think…” I take a deep breath and let it out. “I think I can see a future for us, and I like that.”
Harmon squeezes me and kisses the top of my head. “Tell me what you’re thinking about. Paint me a picture of this future with your words.”
I huff a laugh. “You don’t want to hear all my cheesy thoughts.”
“Oh, but I do, Cassius,” he says, his voice holding a lilt of sadness. “Please, tell me.”
Since the beginning, Harmon has been the one in control—the confident one. The one who handles everything and takes charge without thinking. But maybe he needs a break. Maybe this moment is him needing to let someone else take over—take that big step. Maybe he’s scared too… to think about a future together when he never thought he would have one like this. It’s my turn to be brave for him.
I fold my hands together and lay them on his chest to rest my chin on. I watch him. His eyes are closed, he’s breathing softly and slowly, as his fingers run along my back and sides.
Be brave, Cassius. Tell him what you think.
“We should buy a smaller house. Something cozy. Just for us though, so not right now because of Chrissy, but maybe in a few years when she has her own plans. We could get a dog. A goldenretriever or something like that. A big yard. A pool. Hot tub, too. We could have Sunday dinners with my sisters. Have late movie nights together. We’d sleep together every night and wake up in the morning together. Go to work together. We could take vacations and… settle into a happy life. Do whatever we want, whenever we want, but do it together.”
His eyes open, and he looks at me with so much care. “You’d want that?”
“Yes,” I say firmly, holding his gaze. “All of it. With you.”
He blinks, and I swear through the darkness I see tears in his eyes, but his hands cup my cheeks and he urges me up to kiss him. It’s gentle and sweet, like a promise sealing our dreams for the future.
“There’s only one thing I would change,” he says.
“What’s that?”
“You said we’d need a big yard,” he says, letting me rest my head on his chest again. “And we would, because I’d want an in-law for your sisters so they could be close.” My smile is immediate. “They’re your family, and because of that, they’re mine too. I want to make sure they’re cared for, for the rest of their lives. The same way I’ll care for you.”
“Harmon—”
“Family was never important to me, Cassius, because I had an awful one. I didn’t know why family was important—or why it should be. And you may think yours isn’t perfect, and maybe it’s not, but to me it is. You and your sisters, you care about eachother. You’re loyal and would do anything for one another. I’ve never had that before and seeing it… it brings me so much joy.”
“You do have it, Harmon. You have it now. We are your family. We can be a family together.”
“I know that, baby.” His arms come around me. “I know that.”
The bed is empty when I wake up. I stretch my hand to either side of me, considering we don’t have sides since I slept on top of him, and find them both cold. There is no clock in here, so I have no idea what time it is.
I drag myself out of bed and into the bathroom to take care of morning business, and I hop in the shower. I find a pair of sleep pants that belong to Harmon and shove them on before going in search of him. I think I know where he is, so I head that way and I’m not at all shocked when I find him in his office, at his desk, behind the laptop.
“Morning,” I say.
“Morning,” he responds, smiling as he turns in his chair to face me. I walk to him and sit on his lap, leaning in for a kiss. His arms come around my waist as his lips meet mine, then move to my jaw and neck.