‘You haven’t let yourself want it,’ she corrected. ‘You were bounced from pillar to post as a child. Nobody loved you. You never knew security until you came to live with the Georgiadeses, then they died, too. And even now, a grown man of thirty-one, you’re terrified to let yourself reach for happiness, in case it goes away again.’ She bit back a sob. ‘I understand that, Theo. I don’t think anyone who’s lived through what you have would feel differently. But at least take a second to think about what’s in here.’ She pressed a hand to his chest. ‘Think about why it hurts you so much to see me hurting. Think about why you have been so angry at my father, for such a long time. Think about how it feels when we’re together, why your first thought when I came to you for help was to lock me into this marriage, and ask yourself if that’s really something you want to let go.’
‘How it feels when we are together is like I’m holding a stick of dynamite, likely to go off at any moment, without warning.’
She frowned, not understanding the analogy.
‘I don’t know when this is going to end, but I know it will. All things do. Whether because you leave me, or your father makes you leave me, or because one of us dies, nothing lasts forever. I would rather control that, and I think it’s best for you, too.’
‘Don’t you dare be such a paternalistic jackass. I don’t need you deciding what’s best for me. If you want me to move out, I will, but you should know that’syourdecision, not mine.’
‘What do you want, then, Annie? Do you want to stay here, living with me, like this, for another seventeen months of this godawful marriage?’
She flinched. ‘No. I want to stay living with you forever, in a wonderful, happy marriage, where we stop fighting everything we feel and accept that when I was eleven and you were fifteen, we met the loves of our lives, and our fate was sealed. I want you to accept that sex with us is never—and could never be—just sex. That every time we’re together it’s meaningful and beautiful, and special. I want you to know that I will always be here for you, that you can relax with me—’
‘How can I after what happened last time?’
‘Are you hearing yourself? You’re making no sense. Two minutes ago, you told me that you never thought we were going to last. So why did it matter that I left you?’
‘It’swhyyou left me.’
‘Because I love my parents?’ she demanded. ‘Because I have spent a lifetime playing the part of a stabilizer to them, and I didn’t know how to stop? You think you’re the only one who learned from that experience? I love my father, and I want him to be happy, but it’s time for me to live my life, regardless of what he thinks and wants. And I choose you. I want you.’
A muscle jerked in his jaw. ‘This isn’t what I want.’
‘Well, I don’t believe you,’ she said, moving to the wardrobe and removing her nightgown. She dressed quickly, staring at him the whole time, hating that even in that moment, she could feel heat and need building inside of her.
‘This was a mistake.’
‘How we got married, yes. But not that we are.’ She put a hand on her hip. ‘I’m not leaving you, Theo. If you really want me out of your life, you have to leave me. Divorce me. Announce it in the papers. Do whatever you have to do, but it needs to come from you. I’m not going to walk away from you again.’
‘There’s nothing to walk away from,’ he muttered. ‘This isn’t a relationship.’
She rolled her eyes. ‘You are completely delusional.’
‘Annie.’ He raised his voice. ‘Listen to me. Our marriage is over. I don’t want this. I don’t want you. I made a mistake, and now I’m fixing it.’
Each word landed against her with a heavy thud. She shook her head, needing to clear those words, needing not to hear them, but he just stared at her, no hint of doubt on his face.
‘I’ll go to a hotel for a few days, while I find somewhere else to live. You stay here. I will uphold everything I agreed to in our deal, naturally. I’ll fix your father’s company, and then return it to you. I’m sorry I used you like this. I will always regret it.’
‘Used me,’ she whispered, shaking her head. ‘Is that really what this was to you? Was I honestly just a means to an end?’
He closed his eyes at the accusation in her voice, but then, he was stuffing things into a bag and Annie was staring at him with the realization that he was actually about to walk out of his own home.
‘Don’t,’ she shouted, eyes filling with tears. ‘Don’t you dare pack that bag. If either of us is leaving, it will be me. This is your home. I’m not staying in it without you.’
‘You can leave, if you want, but either way, I’m going.’
‘Does it mean nothing to you to hear that I love you?’
‘It means I was even more careless than I thought. All I can hope is that you are mistaken.’
‘I’m not,’ she said. ‘I love you. You need to look at me, and accept that. Accept that you are walking away from someone who has given you their heart, for always and ever. And Theo? That means something.’
He was silent.
‘Coward. You’re running away from me because you’re terrified to love, knowing there’s a risk that you’ll lose me. So what? Aren’t I worth taking that risk for? Don’t we deserve a chance?’
His response was to walk out the door.